The Commissioner Of Sports Gets A Promotion

Earlier this week on Monday Night Football, Chris Berman asked both presidential candidates what they would do first in the sports world if they were elected president. Both predictably took pretty easy, populist choices. John McCain said he would get rid of performance enhancing drugs (a novel idea!) and Barack Obama said he would institute a playoff system in Division IA, thus eliminating the bowl championship system.

This got me thinking what I would do for sports if I was elected President. Earlier this year I wrote a column as the World's Commissioner of Sports and have re-posted that below. I still hold that these things would make sports better and in fact, at least one of them (instant replay in baseball) has been instituted in real-life. One thing I realize about that list, and about the new additions I will be adding to it now, is that I tend to be pretty anti-business. That is to say, many of the suggestions I make are to fight off the intrusion of money into the purity of the sports. So without further ado, as President of the United States of Sports, I hereby enact the following Constitution and Bill of Sports into law:

Article I: The NBA preseason will begin January 1. Teams may play as many preseason games as they wish. The regular season shall begin the day after the Super Bowl, and the opening game each year will be a rematch of the previous year's NBA finals. The regular season will consist of 30 games, and the playoff make-up will change slightly- the top eight teams from each conference, seeded by record, home court given to the team with the better record. There is no bonus invitation or home-court given to division winners.

The reasons for this change are many. For one, despite its current renaissance, the NBA still blows. The season is three to five games old and it is already clear which teams will make the playoffs. They will also tread water until February, when they will start jockeying for playoff position. To combat the utter boredom that is the first three months of the season, they will be eliminated. This will make the regular season games far more important and therefore they will be far more interesting. Currently only the fourth quarter seems to be relevant, but if they only have thirty games to get in and get home court, that intensity will be ramped up from the opening tip.

Article II: Any reporter or commentator who argues that Major League Baseball is out of touch and is a dieing sport shall be fined $500 for each incident, with the money going the the charity of his or her choice.

This past World Series was the lowest rated ever. This past NBA Finals was one of the highest rated ever. And only in that perfect storm of ratings did the NBA Finals out-rate the World Series. That had not happened previously since the ultra-popular Michael Jordan's Bulls were in the NBA Finals. The team with the lowest attendance in the Major League baseball in 2008 was the Florida Marlins, with 16,688 per game over 81 games. A full one-third of the NBA could not get that many people at only 41 games in 2007.

Article III: All divisions of college football shall have 16-team playoffs to determine their champion. In the case of Division IA, the first round will be played at the higher seeded team's home field. The quarterfinals, semifinals and championship game will be called "Bowls" and may keep their corporate sponsorships. The National Championship game and semifinals will rotate annually among the Rose Bowl, Orange Bowl and Fiesta Bowl. The names FCS and BCS will be eliminated and replaced once again with IAA and IA, respectively.

The major pro-BCS argument is that a playoff would generate less interest and less money than the Bowls do, and it would be bad for the student-athletes because they'd miss more class with a playoff system. Currently, there are five major divisions in college football (BCS, FCS, II III, NAIA), all but the BCS has a playoff with no negative consequences. Also, by allowing the playoff games to be called Bowls, the games keep their sponsorships and keep making money hand over fist. And if anyone really thinks that a college football playoff would not generate interest, they shall be deported. As for the argument that this only allows 16-teams to compete in postseason and eliminates many current sponsorship deals, any school not part of the tourney can play in any other postseason tournament (think NIT) or unaffiliated bowl of their choosing. This system allows for a far more fair way of choosing a champion and eliminates the problem of a team like USC this year losing once in September and being out of the running for a title despite clearly being among the top 5 (if not top 2) in the country. It also allows for smaller conferences to be represented in the field.

Article IV: The NFL and College Basketball can keep doing what they're doing.

Article V: Major League Baseball shall eliminate Interleague play and thus shorten the season by 15 games and approximately two-and-a-half weeks. The World Series shall continue to be played at the home stadiums of the two teams involved, but the All Star game shall not determine home field advantage, it will alternate every other year between Leagues. In addition to the replay rules listed below by the Commissioner of Sports, if both managers agree before the game, managers shall have one challenge per game on any play. They shall receive another after successful challenges. Post season games shall begin no later than 7 pm Eastern Standard Time.

Interleague play does provide a level of intrigue to the season, but it is inherently unfair. For instance, as part of the Interleague system, teams play local/natural rivals every season as well as one other full division. So if a team has a local/natural that is good every year, they will automatically play a harder schedule than teams in their own division that have weaker local/natural rivals. For instance, the N.L. East and A.L. east play one another next season. So the Mets play their rivals, the Yankees once and then they play the entire A.L. East as well. The Nationals play the entire A.L. East and then play the Orioles.

Additionally, eliminating Interleague fixes the problem of the season running too long. There has been debate about how the 2008 World Series was ruined by bad weather and the World Series should therefore be played at a more temperate, neutral venue. The fact that there was a rain-suspension for the first time in the 105-year history of the event does not mean the event is flawed; it means it rained this year. However, next season the World Series will potentially in the second week of November. This invites the weather to cause more problems (especially for fans) and also hurts the hallowed tradition of October being synonymous with the World Series.

A second baseman for a fourth place team having a bad inning in July should obviously not determine something as significant as the home field advantage for the World Series. Considering how advanced our television technology has gotten, it seems silly that it cannot be used to determine the correctness of calls on the field. When the managers exchange line-up cards before a game, they should also decide whether they will be allowed their challenge that day.

No doubt, there will be an Article VI and as both President and Commissioner of the United States of Sports, I hereby claim the to amend this Constitution at any time.

Screw Elton Brand

This is the second time Elton Brand tried to leave the Clippers. The first time they matched the Heat's offer and and he was stuck with the contract that has just now expired. This time he said he wanted to stay if they went out and got help and they went out and got the best player available. So he bolts for more money anyway.

We all always thought Brand was somehow different. Classier. A team guy. Turns out he's just like the rest of him. Screw him.

People will blame this on the Clippers' management, which generally speaking deserves every bit of criticism it has ever received. But in the last six years, that old frugal perception is just not there. They have tried to spend the money on the right players. They have drafted well (mostly). They have made some great personnell moves (mostly). They upheld their end of the bargain here and Brand screwed them.

So they just lost 40 points from their starters with Corey Maggette leaving as well. Baron Davis is good, but he isn't that good and at this point, I wouldn't be shocked if he backs out of his verbal agreement like Brand did.

So much for following the NBA next season.

Brand New Era For The Clippers?

Tomorrow is the fateful day when we will find out if I will watch any NBA next season. With the Clippers being led by Corey Maggette and Dan Dickau last year, it was a little tough to handle, even with Chris Kaman and Al Thornton playing well. But last week there was this momentous day when it was revealed that the Clippers had come to terms with Baron Davis and Elton Brand had opted out of his contract so that he could sign back for less, allowing the Davis deal to happen.

It was huge news in Los Angeles. It wasn't the Lakers signing Ron Artest, but it was huge news. Both major sports talk stations did seemingly 24-hours of Baron Davis-talk. How good would the Clippers be? Clearly they'd be a playoff team, but what seed? 7? 6? 5? Might they even host a playoff series? One station even went so far as to recreate Ozzie Osbourne's "Mama, I'm Coming Home," inserting Baron Davis returning to L.A. as the theme - "Baron is coming hoooo-oooo-oooome..." They called it "Baron Davis Day" on ESPN radio.

We only had to wait till July 9 before teams could officially announce any deals and then it would be all sunshine and happiness until next June.

Then the next day the Warriors offered Elton Brand a max-contract. No. That couldn't happen right? Why leave LA (a dismal franchise with a suddenly bright immediate future) for Golden State (a dismal franchise)? Could the money be that worth it? Doesn't he love it here and have movie-industry aspirations? No, Elton was staying.

But little by little, as the week has worn on, more teams have come out and made huge offers to Brand. Could you turn down $100 million dollars? I mean are the Clippers really title contenders? It is not like Brand-Davis-Thornton are Garnett-Allen-Pierce, right? ESPN's Marc Stein wrote Monday night, "the Philadelphia 76ers are again 'actively involved' in the Brand hunt -- and now are a very serious threat to tempt him away from L.A." I can already see the headlines with "Elton" and "Philadelphia Freedom" references galore.

As I write this, there are about 8 hours until July 9th and I am not quite as confident about that 4-seed as I was last week...to say nothing of the fact that even with Davis and Brand, we Clipper fans will be relying on the near miraculous recoveries of about half of the team, bolstered by the signing of a guy who makes Grant Hill look like Cal Ripken Jr., on a franchise that has seen devastating injuries to perhaps its two greatest new additions, Danny Manning and Ron Harper.

Laker fans are mad because the team came up 39 points short of Game 7 of the NBA Finals. The Clippers were about 39 games short of Game 7 of the NBA finals! So the good news is that whatever happens tomorrow, rooting for the Clippers is nice because it doesn't hurt all that much when they lose and if they finish a season .500 it feels like they won the Finals, Super Bowl, and World Series!

Whose Morning Was Worse? Ivanovich Or The Yankees?

The top ladies' seeds kept falling on Friday at Wimbledon leading possibly to the only match-up that would make me truly not give a damn: Venus vs. Serena. Granted, Jelena Jankovic is the highest remaining seed (2), but with the Williams sisters both playing very, very well, and with one on either side of the draw, things are shaping up to be an all men's Ladies' Final.

On Friday top seed Ana Ivanovich looked just as terrible as Maria Sharapova did when she got destroyed on Thursday. But at least Sharapova lost to someone I had heard of! Considering how badly Ivanovich struggled in her second round match against a relative unknown, and then how terribly she played Friday, she was apparently not too comfortable with the #1 target painted on her back!

The NBA Draft was Thursday night and every single team drafted at least one player with "tremendous upside," which is nice. Actually Atlanta didn't because they had already traded away both of their picks. Some teams, like the Clippers, Celtics, Pistons, were lucky enough to draft three guys with "tremendous upside."

The strangest pick of course was the Lakers at #58 who drafted Joe Crawford. I am not sure about this, but I believe this is the same Joey Crawford who is a long-time NBA referee (and noted technical foul giver and television time hogger). I was not aware that drafting refs was legal, but kudos to Mitch Kupchak for finding this little loophole. Now Crawford will not only clearly be on the Lakers' payroll while at home, but on the road as well!

So Pacman Jones is upset with the world for not allowing him to have a second chance (or seventh, as it well). He wants everyone to call him Adam Jones - his real name. Last I checked, his jersey has always read "P. Jones" and the dude has been arrested six times since joining the NFL. I think I speak for everyone when I say, show me you've changed before getting pissed at me for not noticing you've changed, Pacman. Pacman, Pacman, Pacman.

Floyd Landis' arbitration ruling is set to be released on Monday. This will be his last chance to officially clear his name and claim his 2006 Tour de France win. I am a big fan of cycling, and I watched every second of that Tour, and I have read every word of the case against him and the case for him (yes, even the famed slide show presentation). That guy is innocent. I don't care what the test showed on the day he pulled off the greatest turnaround in sports history. The test the day before showed nothing. The test the day after showed nothing, and what Landis is alleged to have done would still show up long after the initial day he allegedly did it. It also would have had no physiological benefit had he done it the morning of a race (it is a long term technique that had not long term presence in his body according to multiple tests).

And finally, the Mets played at Yankee Stadium today as a makeup for a rain-out in a series last month. That Mets won the other two games of the series and they won today, officially completing the sweep. They also scored 15 runs today, with Carlos Delgado (9), Carlos Beltran (3) and David Wright (3) accounting for all 15 runs batted in. It will be a lot less sweet if the Mets do not win Game 2 of the double-header that is being played across town at Shea this evening, but either way - this is the last time the Mets will ever play at that rathole, Yankee Stadium. Way to send it out in style.

The Greatest Upset In Sports History?

Working on the Tennis Channel's Wimbledon Primetime show, I have not had too many chances to watch any sports, let alone write about them (besides tennis), so it has been a quiet week on this site. But for anyone who has checked in to see if there were updates, at least you got to see a picture of Marisa Miller on the top of the page each time.

Last weekend Turkey beat Croatia in one of the more excruciating endings I have seen in a long time, and this game highlights many of the reasons that soccer is the stupidest sport on the planet. Croatia led 1-0 in this European Championship Soccer Tourney and in gave up a slop goal with no time left on the clock...or in overtime. You see, the clock in soccer is really only a suggestion. They play 90 minutes and the freaking clock counts up, and the goal was scored at about 90:30 or so. The game was later won in penalty kicks.

Let us count the ways in which soccer is stupid: While it provides some spectacular highlights each game, these account for approximately 5-15 seconds of the game. The other 89 minutes and 55 seconds are painfully dreary, uneventful, and annoying, full of flopping and whining and even the goal celebrations are obnoxious. The clock is an approximation of what the referees keep on the field. Really? We can land people on the moon, but we can't figure out a way to have the ref's clock send a signal to the stadium clock? Penalty kicks decide games, which is the equivalent of a basketball game being decided by dueling half-court shots rather than actual game play.

Steve Hartman was screaming in his normal radio voice today about how dreamy Dodger Stadium is, particularly the parking situation. I will give you that the parking is better than last year as the new policies seem to be finally taking hold (because they repainted the traffic lane lines to match the new system instead of last year: new system - old lanes). However, it still stinks. Hartman's example was last night's game against the White Sox. He said he stayed for the whole game, and when they left he expected a madhouse, but instead was pleasantly surprised.

Has he ever been to a Los Angeles sporting event before? Everyone knows that in order to miss the traffic you leave when it's over! The only time LA fans have stayed till the end consistently is when Eric Gagne was on his hot streak (and I am not only referring to the streaks on his forearms at the time). Not to mention that the game last night was a blowout loss so there were probably 5000 fans left at the stadium at the end.

While Hartman was blathering on about this, Vic the Brick Jacobs was screaming "If there is a problem, the McCourts fix it," "they fix it" like he had some form of non-obscene Tourettes syndrome. Apparently Vic was not referring to the roster.

Marat Safin decided to show up this morning at Wimbledon and absolutely destroyed the world's #3 Novak Djovovic. If Safin plays the rest of the tourney like he played today, that semi vs. Roger Federer will be wonderful. Speaking of Federer, perhaps Djokovic should have thought twice before offending the tennis gods by saying last week that Federer's six losses in 2008 prove he is ripe for a downfall.

You should have heard the director and producers of Wimbledon Primetime on the headsets as #1 Ana Ivanovic faced two match points against her. Let's just say that the general consensus is that Ivanovic is good for ratings. Her reaction after her shot hit the net and dribbled over on the second match point and then her kiss of the net after she won the match an hour and a half later made my crush on her deepen considerably. How nice to have the best player in the world also smile and laugh and seem to enjoy herself, but also handle herself with class! We've been spoiled with Federer, Justine Henin and now Ivanovich. I hope another Serena Williams doesn't rise through the ranks.

With the NBA draft coming up tomorrow, the sports talk radio shows in L.A. are all buzzing about the Clippers trading Elton Brand and the#7 to the Heat for Shawn Marion, Shawn Marion's contract, and the #2. I hope they don't because I'd rather have a good guy who is a great player and a possibly great pick than a jerk who is a great player and a possibly great pick. I can't imagine that the Clippers are really looking into a trade with Miami (unless Brand is not involved or Dwyane Wade is), but they have done dumb things in the past so I won't rule it out.

The other big talk is of the Lakers trading up to get Miami's pick (or someone else's). Supposedly they would unload Lamar Odom. Right, I am sure there are a lot of G.M.'s calling the Lakers clamouring to get their hands on Odom after his NBA Finals series. No doubt Miami wants him back, right?

I saw a headline online for Chad Ford's NBA Mock Draft Version 6.0. Seriously? 6? How many times can you openly admit that you were totally wrong and still be considered publishable, let alone an expert?

Remember the loudmouthed trainer who guaranteed the Triple Crown and openly used steroids on that horse as well as many of his others? I won't bother writing his name because you won't remember him, but here's a shocker: he was just suspended because one of his horses tested positive for twice the legal limit of a blood doping drug. This makes eight consecutive years he has been fined or suspended for many, many violations. Here's hoping he gets another shot at glory. Everyone deserves a 20th chance.

Finally, Fresno State's comeback victory yesterday, facing elimination in the Final round of the College World Series against of the best teams in the country, could go down in history as the penultimate crowning achievement in the greatest upset story in Sports history. Yes, that was a lot of hyperbole, but think it through:

Putting their seed in college basketball terms (since most people are more familiar with that 64-team tourney than this one), they would likely be a 15 seed. They would not have made the tourney had they not won their conference (an upset, by the way). In the first round of the tournament, beat the #7 team in the country twice (my USD Toreros) as well as the #22 team on the road (Long Beach State). Then after losing game 1 in the second round, they beat the #4 team in the country on the road twice in a row to eliminate them. In the next round they beat the #6 and #2 team (twice). And now they face the #8 team for a final game to decide the whole thing (after having split with them in the last two games).

An unranked team has beaten nine top 25 teams in the NCAA Tournament. Villanova was an eight-seed when they beat Georgetown and probably faces 2 or three ranked schools in the tourney. North Carolina State over Phi Slamma Jamma was the same. At least the 1980 U.S. Hockey team was made up of the best players in their own country - Fresno State was not top 10 in their state. The Giants-Patriots or Jets-Colts are not remotely close to that. Miracle Mets? Fresno State doesn't have Tom Seaver. If the "Under-Dogs" win today, it is the greatest upset story in Sports History. Don't miss it - 4 p.m. Pacific time on ESPN.

This is all a reminder of how insane the BCS is. In what other league in any sport in the world are the two finalists selected at the end of the regular season?

Somewhere Shaq Is Very Happy Today

Why was it that in a series that featured so many amazing comebacks, there was no doubt that Game 6 of the NBA Finals was over by the time the first quarter was over. During Game 2, I was even so leery of Kobe Bryant's ability to make amazing things happen that I said it wasn't over when the lead was 20 with something like 8 minutes left. But with a lead smaller than that and with 36 minutes left, it was over in Game 6.

My favorite moment was with about 10 minutes left in the 4th quarter, the Celtics were up by 28 and Kobe was sitting to start the quarter when the crowd started chanting "Where is Kobe?" The Celtics crowd sounded like a single voice. I don't ever remember hearing a crowd so clearly enunciate it's cheers and taunts. And not only that, but they were so confident that it was over and that Kobe had been shut down, that they were not afraid to actually call him out - to dare him to do something about it.

This chant was broken up by three consecutive three-pointers from Ray Allen that must have left Sasha Vujacic questioning his value as a human being. I think Vujacic is a fantastic athlete; he must be to have gotten to where he is. But I think he chose the wrong sport. I have never seen someone kick the basketball to the officials or the inbounds guy more, and the way he goes down and throws his hands to his face like someone has just thrown acid at him all the time makes me think he is looking for a red card. Man, I hate soccer.

Yesterday was a huge day in sports around the world actually, with France and Italy playing soccer for the first time since the famed World Cup final game in which some guy headbutted some guy for a sister-joke, not even a mom-joke...and it wasn't even a headbutt to the head. If you saw the highlights from yesterday, the team known as The Azzurri (named for the azure blue jerseys all Italian national teams traditionally wear) wore white jerseys, while the nation known best for white fabric ("we surrender") wore blue jerseys. It was a wonderful game between two of the world's blah blah blah... One of them won. Or maybe they tied. Seriously, soccer is so lame.

I know that the game was out of hand by the start of the fourth quarter, but Phil Jackson should be fined by the Lakers, with the money being distributed among their fans, for forcing the Lakers' fans' hopes to rest on the shoulders of Ariza, Farmar, Turiaf, Vujacic and Odom. What was he saving Kobe, Pau Gasol and Derek Fisher for? Why bother with Odom, why not slap a jersey on MBenga and stick him in there to round out the five. I saw Kobe Carl back there in the third row, he's on the roster, right? The Clippers would have loaned Smush Parker back to the Lakers for the night. This guy is the "best coach of all time"?

I cannot believe that the Clippers finished the season with Smush Parker and Dan Dickau running the point.

It is hard to tell if Kobe was more upset about losing the Championship, not being named MVP, or the fact that the game was played late on the East Coast so his daughters couldn't be propped up next to him on camera afterwards. Regardless, the guy looked truly upset in the post-game interview and you could barely tell that he is already scripting his offseason trade demands.

Milton Bradley Lost It, The Sun Set, And Other News This Week

It has been over a week since I have written anything sports related because this page was not loading properly and I couldn't post to it anyway. To say the least, it has been an eventful week, so today will be just a quick recap of the biggest sports stories of the week in my world:

Everyone is piling onto Mets' manager Willie Randolph because the team stinks. For a long while I thought this was mostly unfounded, but the more they lose the more you realize that something needs to change. I wonder though, why is Omar Minaya's job so safe. After all, he is the person who spent all the money and equipped Randolph's clubhouse with all of these chumps. So Carlos Delgado seems to be hitting again, but the Mets' regular bench consists of Damion Easley, Endy Chavez, Marlon Anderson, Fernando Tatis. Granted, there have been a lot of injuries and the team has had to dig deeper into the bench than Minaya could have expected, but these guys combine for a .209 batting average, with 32 runs, 27 RBI, 16 extra base hits, 15 walks and 49 strikeouts in the equivalent of about 90 games played.

Granted: if Pedro Martinez, El Duque, Ryan Church, Moises Alou, Angel Pagan, and Luis Castillo hadn't all been on the DL for extended periods this season, they could easily have accounted for the 6.5 games that the team trails the Phillies, but every team gets injuries. This team fills holes with old, slow, injured, has-beens with no minor league prospects to be found. When do we start blaming Minaya?

It is hard to give any credence to what Tim Donaghy says about games being fixed in the playoffs because Donaghy is a crook who could likely just be throwing blame around, but the guys sure picked interesting games to mention. And not that I think we should go around believing every scrumbags conspiracy theories, but didn't the world react the same way to Jose Canseco's wild claims until they turned out to be almost 100% true? And David Stern is not doing the league any favors by being a smug, arrogant prick that almost makes you root for the other scumbag to bring him down.

Soon I will research the worst current contracts in baseball. The Dodgers' announcers were ripping the Mets last week for having this crazy payroll and I have a feeling they would not be happy with that I discover (I am looking at you Esteban Loaiza, Andruw Jones and Jason Schmidt).

The Orioles sent Steve Trachsel to the minors the other day. Since he has been gone, the league-wide average game time has dropped by 11 minutes.

Kevin Garnett did a commercial for ABC's Finals coverage in which he makes sweet love to the Finals Trophy. I don't like players holding a trophy they haven't won and talking about how good it feels to hold it. You don't touch it until you deserve to touch it.

Through three games, the Lakers' fans are proving what everyone things about L.A. sports fans: lazy, unintelligent and uncreative. They don't cheer unless the scoreboard tells them to, and the best chants they came up with were "Boston Sucks," and "MVP." Really? OK, so "beat L.A." is not much better than "Boston sucks," but it is better somehow. But Laker fans cannot compete with a Boston crowd that chants "No means no" at Kobe Bryant on the free throw line. Absolutely classic.

ABC pulled the most shameless in a long line of shameless promotional plugs in Game 3. They actually had a 3-D cardboard Wall-E ad in the seats for the game. This makes Fox look tasteful and dignified. Well, not dignified...actually, just forget I wrote that.

Chris Simms has asked to be released from his contract because he says he doesn't see himself fitting into their QB plans and wants to play somewhere. I have two thoughts here: the Giants should sign him and win Super Bowls with father and son (son on the bench of course), and why did Simms feel no hope for playing time in Tampa? San Diego Torero Josh Johnson, baby!

Michael Strahan pulled a John Elway and retired at the pinnacle of his career. Thank you Michael!

Dontrelle Willis was sent to the Minors because he was struggling. Not big news there. Except that he wasn't just struggling: his ERA was 10.32, and he had 5 strikeouts and 21 walks in 4 starts. And he wasn't just sent to the Minors, he was sent to Class A! Ya think his $29 million contract will be on my list?

Kobe Bryant got a technical foul in Game 2 and another in Game 3 for whining for calls on the only two plays that there probably was no actual contact. He hasn't punched anyone yet though, so thus far his behavior has been well above standard, except the pouting, screaming at teammates to stop shooting and give him the ball, whining, posing and almost total avoidance of the team's actual offensive strategy.

The Celtics are not as bad as everyone thought they would be and the Lakers are not as good. It is very likely that Kobe will not pass the ball once for the rest of the series (1 assists in the "must-win" Game 3). And as long as I watch the games with my friend Justin (who went to Gonzaga but I am the forgiving sort), the Celtics will win if the pattern holds.

5 points goes to any reader who can remember the first and last name of Big Brown's trainer without looking it up. Post it in a comment to this post. It has only been 5 days and already no one cares. But hey, at least everyone thought he was a complete ass during the duration of his 15 minutes.

It is weird to think that I have played golf on the course on which the U.S. Open is being played today/this weekend. That almost makes me a pro. I want free clubs. When I played at Torrey Pines, it was the week after the Buick Invitational in 2000. The course was tough and long, the rough was deep and the empty grandstands and T.V. towers were very intimidating. This week, the course is playing a lot tougher and a lot longer, the rough is probably 2 inches deeper and the grandstands and T.V. towers will be full. I am starting to think that professional golfers might be better than I am.

Milton Bradley blew up and tried to kill someone yesterday. Not news, I know, but it is a funny story: the Royals announcer said that Bradley would be well served to own up to his mistakes and move past them like Josh Hamilton has done. Bradley went nuts when he heard the comments, stormed through the clubhouse and had to be restrained from going into the booth to apparently take the guy's life, thus proving the guy right. He then was dragged back to the clubhouse and began sobbing about how no one thinks he's changed and gotten over his anger problems.

Maybe it was the scouting report on the Diamondbacks, but on Tuesday John Maine threw 104 pitches. 80 of them were fastballs. How about mixing in an off-speed pitch once in a while (that said, he struck out seven and was in line for a win before the bullpen blew another lead and the offense feel asleep in the last half of the game again).

Milton Bradley just screamed at me from the street. He's coming upstairs...I have to go.

Referees Decide Finish By Not Deciding Finish

Clearly the play at the end of the Lakers-Spurs game was a foul. But it is basketball tradition that that foul won't be called in that situation. The thinking here is that you don't want the refs to decide the game. This thinking is flawed because by not calling a clear violation, didn't they decide the game?

Wouldn't it have been Derek Fisher who helped decide the game by biting on a pump fake and jumping into the ball handler/shooter? Wouldn't it have been Brent Barry who decided the game by drawing the foul and then having to knock down the free throws? Wouldn't it have been a Laker who decided the game when they got the ball back after the potentially made free throws?

If a guy jumps up and lands on another it is a foul. Should an umpire not call a third strike if a batter doesn't swing in the ninth inning because he wants to make sure the players decide the finish? Should a referee not throw a flag on a clip on an overtime kick return? Should a hockey referee allow a last second, game-winning goal that is thrown in? The rules are the rules. There should be no superstar rules, no playoff rules, and no last-second rules.

I thought that almost everyone handled this no-call well however. Greg Popovich said that it was not a foul and that he is not upset with the officials. Barry said that you can't call that there and took the blame himself. Phil Jackson quoted 3rd century Taoist philosophy or something but I think his point was that it probably was a foul and that he is glad his team was the beneficiary of the no-call (but that plays like this happen throughout the game and we're only talking about it because it was the last one). The consensus was that it should have been called but was not and in that situation, one cannot fault the refs. The Spurs had 47 minutes at 57 seconds before that to make one more shot and have that play not matter.

Then there was Kobe Bryant. Craig Sager, staring off into space rather than at his interview subject, asked Kobe about the play and with his adorable little smirk he said and repeated, "that wasn't a foul," as though His Eminence knew something that all the rest of us didn't (even though we'd seen the play in slo-mo from four angles at this point). He is a bad loser (remember his "there is no way I will play for the Lakers next year - I'd rather play on Pluto" comment or his famous quitting-job in game 7 against the Suns?) And he is a bad winner as this episode shows. I usually don't wish injury on anyone but...well I don't think I have to finish this sentence.

And seriously, what the hell is with Craig Sager's suits? Is it that he has given up on being an intelligent person known for his interesting and insightful interview questions and instead just wants to be remembered for anything at all? The way the guy stares off into space when he is doing interviews and the way he dresses makes me think that he may actually be blind and whoever dresses him hates him.

Finally, can we now move on from the idea that Sasha Vujacic is a great defender and has shut down Manu Ginobili? In three games Ginobili has stunk, but he went nuts in the other one. Vujacic guarded him in all four. If you do a test four times in the same beaker and get different results each time, it wasn't the beaker causing the change! If you still believe that Vujacic is a great defender and not just another annoying, flopping, soft, European whiner, you need look no further than his "defense" of Tony Parker on a fast break with about 3:30 to go in the third quarter of game 4.

He backpedaled into the lane as Parker came at him. Then Vujacic stopped and tried to set his feet to draw a charge. He prepared for the contact and then just flew backwards onto his butt when he expected Parker to be there. It looked like Parker had pulled a Frodo and vanished right in front of Vujacic's eyes. I watched it like 10 times. Parker had faked him out so bad that Vujacic flopped despite Parker not being within 5 feet of him. Classic. I found it on another site so click here to watch (sorry if they take it down).

Today is a pretty big sports day with the Pistons going back to Boston for the all-important game 5. This one will decide the series. And the Red Wings go to Pittsburgh for the Stanley Cup game 3. If Detroit wins, that series is over of course as well. And the US is in London playing England in soccer which doesn't matter for a number of reasons (it is soccer, it is not in a tournament or qualifier), but it would still be nice to beat England's butt again. We could get Thierry Henry come and play for us and it would be just like the Revolutionary War.

The Greatest Hall of Fame Class That Might Never Be

During last night's Dodgers-Reds game, the text-in question of the game was "When do you think Ken Griffey Jr. will make the Hall of Fame: 1st Ballot, Later than that, or Never." 7% of Dodger fans apparently think he will never be elected. I don't think you can chalk this up to stupidity because even Dodger fans are not that dumb. Maybe it is that the only people who respond to these text-in questions are that dumb.

This, and Mike Piazza's retirement got me thinking about the Hall of Fame. This year's "graduating" class includes such once-sure things as Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds (if he is officially retired) and Piazza. The fact that Mark McGuire didn't get voted in, and may never be makes raises interesting questions:

Does Sosa get in? If Mac didn't there is no way Sosa does. Sosa was caught cheating (cork) and has been tied to steroids/HGH. McGuire just used a supplement that wasn't illegal yet (andro) and possibly more but nothing was ever proven. Plus, Mac was better. Sosa is out.

What about Bonds? His numbers make him perhaps the greatest of all time, but there is no one left on the planet outside of the San Francisco peninsula that doesn't think he was juiced the whole time. So how much weight do voters place on steroid allegations? If this Federal case against him proves he lied about juicing, does that knock him out of the Hall? What does it do to his records? I can't stand him but I don't know if I could not vote for him unless the Hall makes an official stance against documented cheaters and Bonds is officially proven. For now, Bonds is in.

Clemens' situation is very similar to Bonds. I don't think anyone thinks he was clean. However, unlike Bonds, he has no fans and no city loyal to him because he was never loyal to them (not that fan support affects Hall of Fame voting). It has not been proven, but allegedly he was doped up as much as Big Brown is right now. If it is somehow proven, does the best pitcher of his generation and one of the best 3-4 of all time get denied? He should, but will he? If it goes unproven, I think like Bonds, you have to let him in. And no, the fact that he allegedly had a whole bullpen of mistresses including one who wasn't old enough to spell mistress does not play a role in HOF voting.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if Piazza was voted in (and he will, of course) and these stiffs were not? Particularly Clemens. If you remember, Piazza and the Mets used to hit the hell out of Clemens. In 2000, Clemens beaned Piazza in the head (second time) and then did the same to Jay Payton. Then in the World Series Game 2, there was the famous 'roid rage...oops, I mean the famous bat-throwing incident. Well the Mets never got a modicum of payback after those incidents. Wouldn't it be great if the payback they (and we fans) finally got was this?

On to other things - what a second half by Kobe Bryant! Not only did he score 25 points and lead the comeback, but it was mostly on good shots and wise decisions (10 for 16). I didn't know he had it in him!

So what happens now? The Lakers must be feeling a little bit bulletproof. Will their inexperience make them lax in Game 2 or will they come out and make the Spurs pay for not closing it out? Will the Spurs be despondent and feel they blew it or will they be really, really pissed off and come out and hold the Lakers to 11 points in Game 2? I expect the Lakers to come out with all guns blazing, but the Spurs will hang around. In the second, the Spurs will get a lead. In the third Kobe will try to Kobe-fy them and the Spurs will wind up winning by double digits. Spurs in 6.

Baseball Hits The 1/4 Pole

Before I get to the baseball review/predictions, I wanted to note the retirement of Mike Piazza. It took me a little while to warm up to Piazza when he came to the Mets because he was a damned Dodger for years, but when it was all said and done, he was one of the great Mets of all time. If it was not for the most steroid-enhanced teams in history, he would have won the World Series in 2000 and is one of the great stories in sports history. The guy was drafted as a personal favor to his brother's godfather (Tommy Lasorda) in the 62nd round, pick number 1390. He went on to be the greatest hitting catcher of all time, the 1993 Rookie of the Year, a 12-time All-Star, a sure-fire first-ballot Hall of Famer and his game-winning home run against the Braves at Shea Stadium days after 9/11 will go down as one of the great sports moment of all time. Thanks Mike!


In March, in the last days before the Major League Baseball season began, I made my predictions for the winners of each division and then the playoffs. You can find my National League picks here, and my American League picks here. Now about 1/4 of the way through the season, I will take a look at those picks and perhaps make a few changes (thanks a lot Mariners).

Beginning in the AL West, I knew that when I picked the Mariners it was for stupid reasons. I said then that the Angels' pitching was banged up at the start of the year and while they may have had time to heal over the next six months, I thought that the Mariners' young pitching may get them a jump-start. Then Adrian Beltre hit .246, Kenji Johjima hit .222 and Richie Sexson hit .203 and they jumped out to the worst record in the League. I hereby switch my pick to the Angels because, of the two L.A. teams, they signed the right Torii.

In the AL Central, I chose not to drink the Tigers' Kool-Aid and picked the Indians because they had the best record in baseball last year and returned the entire team. The Tigers tripped and fell at the starting line and are only saved from the worst record in the League because they've played one fewer than Seattle. The Indians are in 3rd, 2.5 back and I am sticking with them. Grady Sizemore's OPS is .821, and while I haven't the foggiest idea what that means, it sounds awesome. MVP baby.

At the time, I said I did not care about the AL East and didn't make a pick. With the emergence of the Rays, it changes absolutely nothing. I still don't like the Sox or Yankees and the Rays simply cannot last for 120 more games. But it is fun watching the Yankees sit in last place. Of course, I heard a stat the other day that over the last three years, the Yanks are something like 20 games under .500 through May, and then something like 80 games over .500 from June through October. However, this year they have no pitchers.

As for the AL Wild Card, the Yankees' start opens the door up to the White Sox, Twins and A's. I will pick the A's since they are in an easier division and will mop up on the Rangers and Mariners.

I still don't care about the AL playoffs.

The National League West has retaken its rightful title as the NL Worst. My predictions in the West were dead on. The DBacks will run away with it (though I underestimated their win total). The Dodgers stink and no manager, not even the great Joe Torre, can win them an extra 15 games this year. The Padres are woefully under-performing and with Jake Peavy on the DL and then in recovery for who knows how long, they are not coming back anytime soon. The magic ran out in Colorado. The Giants play in a nice stadium and seem like nice people. How bad is the division? The DBacks are 20-5 against West opponents.

The NL Central is an enigma still. I picked the Cubs and they are in front with the pitching staff, Soriano and Fukudome leading the way as I predicted (I went out on a limb, eh?). But they are still the Cubs. And Houston and St. Louis are much stronger than I expected. If they can keep it together, this race could be brutal. I think at this point, I still have to stick with the Cubbies, but the Central will be a fun race in September.

The NL East is a train wreck. All five teams stink. Washington is truly terrible and is already out of it. The other four are all neck-and-neck and none is showing any signs of pulling away. I don't see the Marlins hanging around but isn't this what the Marlins do every five years? When was their last World Series? It will come down to the Mets, Braves and Phillies as usual. Among them, none is playing remotely close to how they should, although the Phillies and Mets have suffered far more injuries. I think if the Mets are still within a few games when Pedro Martinez and Orlando Hernandez come back, it's over. They are not the Greats they once were, but the lift that will give the team and the depth it will put in the bullpen will go a long way. Also, they are playing the worst baseball of the bunch and are still in it. If they make any steps towards waking up, they will start to pull away.

The NL Wild Card is pretty wide open. Initially I picked the Braves because they're good again. But the West is far worse than I expected and if the Dodgers can clean up against the Rockies, Giants and Padres, they could amass a lot of wins. Plus, with the East and Central likely being three-horse races, the Dodgers will have an easier time gaining separation from the pack in second place in their division.

NLDS: It wouldn't be the postseason without the Dodgers getting swept. The Dbacks will have the best record, but they cannot play a Wild Card team in their own division, so the Cubs will have the honor of sweeping the Dodgers this year.

NLDS: Mets over DBacks in a sweep also. I called in March and I am sticking to it. Screw Dan Haren and Brandon Webb.

NLCS: See my prediction on this from March. From here on in, my picks hold.

In other news, the NBA had the Lottery and the Clippers got #7. They'll take Indiana's Eric Gordon. The Celtics arrived in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals, but they are in Boston so it's no biggee. If the Pistons win Game 2, it's over. If the Celtics do, they'll win in 7 and then beat the Lakers in the NBA Finals.

Stars Lay An Egg, Spurs Lay Doubts To Rest

I was very excited all day on Monday for the Spurs-Hornets game and the Stars-Wings game. Sadly, both were pretty much over in the first half hour.

Yes, the basketball game wound up going down to the wire after New Orleans scraped their way back into it, but tell me: did you ever really think San Antonio was going to lose that game once they got a lead? The Spurs were never going to lose a 9 point halftime lead. Even on the road against a "better" opponent.

The Lakers cannot be happy with this match up. Derek Fisher can't handle Tony Parker at either end. Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol can be cancelled out by Fabricio Oberto, Kurt Thomas and Tim Duncan. Vlad Radmanovich sucks. And Kobe Bryant is always an impossible cover, but Bruce Bowen is as good as anyone at doing it. And I didn't mention Manu Ginobili. The Lakers won't be able to run away and hide from the Spurs, and remember what happens to Kobe when games are close or they are down? The "new" Kobe vanishes.

In the Jazz series, in games that the Lakers won (none were particularly close) here are Kobe's average stats: 33 points per game, 8.5 for 15.8 shooting (54%), 1 for 2 on three-point attempts (50%). Here are Kobe's stats in Laker losses: 33.5 points per game, 11.5 for 29.5 shooting (39%), .5 for 8 on three point attempts (6%).

The Jazz did not do anything differently defensively in the two losses. Kobe just starts trying to take over and single-handedly erase leads...he stopped playing the offense and his teammates started watching. In losses he doubles his shot attempts, but his shooting percentage drops 15%! Forced offense leads to bad shots, which only lets the other team get layups at the other end.

Sure, the Spurs do not have great depth, and that is supposedly a great strength of the Lakers, but seriously, which bench would you rather reply on: Kurt Thomas, Ime Udoka, Michael Finley, Brent Barry and Robert Horry or Jordan Farmar, DJ Mbenga, Ronnie Turiaf, Luke Walton and Sasha Vujacic?

Spurs in 6. I don't think San Antonio can win three straight at home, or I would say Spurs in 5. The Spurs will win one in L.A., the Lakers will win one in San Antonio and the the Spurs will close it out in game six in L.A. (remember the Conference Finals mysteriously switch to a 2-3-2 format).

As for the other big game last night, Dallas pulled one out of Philadelphia's playbook and didn't show up for their big elimination game. I stopped watching after the first period. But how good is the Stanley Cup Final going to be?

Stay tuned for a recap of the Major League Baseball First Quarter-Season coming tomorrow.

Amateur Hour At The NCAA

Yesterday I read a column about the O.J. Mayo scandal at USC. The writer claimed that the NCAA abuses athletes and uses them for their own financial gain, as do the universities. And the NBA is unfair in forcing them to wait at least one year after high school before being drafted or signed. It wasn't Mayo's fault, the writer claimed, because he only allegedly accepted benefits that he rightfully deserved.

Since this Mayo case hasn't been proven to be true yet, I won't use that example because typing "allegedly" that often is annoying. Instead I will discuss a fictional basketball player named D.J. Mustard who attended the unusually and suspiciously named fictitious University of Sneaky Cheaters (also known as USC). Let's say Mustard was a star in high school who would have gone pro after graduating if it had not been for the NBA's one-year out rule.

First of all, is it age discrimination that the NBA has this rule? No, because they don't say you cannot work in the profession, they just say they won't hire you. If a young person wants to be a professional basketball player (or football player) right out of high school, he can go find work at leagues around the world, just not immediately in the NBA or NFL. They could also sit at home and play video games or work at McDonalds for a year if they wanted.

Mustard has scholarship offers thrown at him from around the country but chooses USC because it is in L.A. and his media exposure will be better there than most places. Through the course of his one year there, he accepts various gifts and cash totalling somewhere in the neighborhood of $30,000. In the grand scheme of things, it is not that much money, but it is illegal and he is caught.

Mustard is smeared in the press (pardon the pun), but that is the most negative consequence that comes his way. However, USC received sanctions from the NCAA because this is not (close to) the first such violation in the last few years and it is ruled that they have a lack of institutional control. They lose scholarships and are banned from postseason play for three years.

So the only people punished are the coaches and administrators who did not do anything wrong, but also did not stop bad things from happening, and an entirely different group of kids that have nothing to do with it. Mustard walks, and more importantly the adults who handled him and used him despite knowing it was illegal walk.

This situation is a mess and needs to be fixed, but where do we start? Clearly the universities need to do more to keep these things from happening, but there is only so much they can know is happening. We can make the players pay back all the money (or donate the value to charity) but what lesson does that teach: you can cheat as long as you get ahead and then when you are rich, you can just pay your way out of it. Or we can crack down on the agents, coaches, parents, friends, boosters and confidants that are the real guilty ones. Take away part of the rookie's salary (which takes away part of the offending agent's commission), but they won't bat an eye since they'll make it all next year anyway.

Should the NCAA allow universities to pay athletes so they won't be tempted to take money under the table? Should we cling to the idea that college athletes must be amateurs? Isn't calling them "student-athletes" a sham anyway? Should the NBA start drafting kids at whatever age they feel like it? Should Mustard be excused because he is a star and stars get star treatment?

College athletics have become a business. A huge business. But ultimately, they are still extracurricular activities offered by schools. Perhaps it is the former teacher in me, but I tend to think that education in general is a good thing. Perhaps the NBA, fans, sports industry and media can scoff at the education side of it all, but the universities cannot. Their reasons for being are to educate young people in order to improve the lot of all of us. Every concession they make against that mission hurts our society.

Yes, the schools make money off of the athletes' exploits, and they reinvest that money into their facilities, programs (athletics and otherwise), staff and into the kids themselves. Those kids are given free educations. This fictional USC that I created, like most real schools, offers free tuition scholarships, free housing, free books, free meal plans, free career counseling, and free tutoring to athletes. Add that all up and it is more than the average American's annual salary. So they do pay their athletes.

People say that that is great but the kids have no money for their social lives. So get a job. People say they can't get jobs because they have practice and school. School is about 3 hours a day. Practice, weights, the trainers, etc. is about 3-4 hours a day. You sleep about 8 hours a day. That leaves around nine hours a day for meals, homework and whatever else. If you have time to go to a movie and hang out with friends some days; you have time to work to pay for it on other days. I am a lazy bastard and I was a four-year college athlete, graduated in four years, worked 5-15 hours a week and was active in the student government and university ministry.

Are the NCAA's illegal benefits rules a little too sweeping? Should it really be illegal for a student trainer to buy a birthday present for an athlete she met in the training room and became friends with? Perhaps not, but that is the way laws work too. Stealing a candy bar is not as great an offense as stealing a car, but either way it is still stealing right? A line has to be drawn somewhere and they drew that line.

Is the NBA's age rule just a way to make colleges make more money because the stars bolt for the pros? Do you really think the NBA would rather have another institution making boatloads of money instead of themselves if it did not benefit them somehow? It benefits the NBA because teams have a far more realistic understanding of a players' abilities before they sign him to multi-million dollar contracts. And if the kids go to five classes in the first semester and then drop out once the season ends, at least they went to five college classes. The alternative is opening the doors and letting NBA teams draft sophomores in high school thus insuring their utter failures in life once their three-year NBA careers are over.

So is Mustard at fault for taking the money? Absolutely. So are all the people who gave it to him and those who turned a blind eye. Is the NBA wrong for insisting on getting an extra year to scout its prospective employees? Absolutely not. Teams can offer contracts to whomever they want whenever they want, just like any other business. Is the NCAA wrong for insisting upon amateurism? Absolutely not. They are students who play sports, nice visa versa.

There's Something (Weird) About A Man In Uniform

Watching the Dodgers-Marlins game yesterday, I saw a few shots of the Dodgers' coaching staff in the dugout and two thoughts kept popping into my head: these men need to eat better, and these men need to wear less tight-fitting pants.

Why do baseball coaches wear uniforms? No other sport does this. NBA and NHL coaches wear suits. College coaches are the same. In some sports, you will see coaches in polo shirts. At the most casual is the NFL coach, who wears whatever he wants as long as it is branded with the NFL logo - this generally equates to team warm-ups, jackets or sweatshirts, and Bill Belichick certainly tests the "whatever he wants" portion of this rule. But none of them wear a uniform!

So why baseball coaches? They are not players on the teams. So why do these fat, droopy men all wear unis? There are the Ozzie Guillen/Willie Randolph types who look like they could still play; there is Dusty Baker and his wrist bands who looks like he thinks he does still play, but then there are the Tommy Lasorda/Don Zimmer types who really need to just put on some slacks and a sweater and save us all from looking at things that would be cruel and unusual even at Guantanamo.

Baseball prides itself on being glacially slow to change so it must root back into the game's past. Perhaps it is from the turn of the 20th century when the team captain was essentially the manager, so they obviously would need uniforms on. Later, when teams started hiring non-player managers and coaches, those guys were likely former ballplayers and likely had a hard time giving up the game...so they wore the uniform.

That is perfectly reasonable, but don't coaches in every sport probably still want to play? Why doesn't Byron Scott hang desperately onto his playing days and wear sneakers, short shorts and a jersey? Football coaches in pads and hockey coaches in sweaters and skates would be a little silly, so it makes sense that those coaches wear something else.

So over 100 years later, Tony LaRussa still wears a jersey because some former ballplayer in 1908 had a midlife crisis? Connie Mack thumbed his nose at tradition and wore a suit. Why did others not follow his lead? Are the cleats, long socks, tightish pants and jersey that comfortable?

I get that it is tradition and I get where is originated from, but Major League Baseball eventually went so far as to make a rule that coaches on the field must be in uniform. No other sport invites coaches onto the field during a game, so maybe that is why other sports never adopted a similar rule. But again, why did baseball?

Would a coach waving a runner home from the box behind third tarnish the game if he was in a suit? Last August, MLB executive Bob Watson approached Red Sox manager Terry Francona before a game and reminded him that it was a league rule that he wear a jersey at games, and that a team jacket was not sufficient. Then during the game that day, Watson sent a security official to check under Francona's jacket to make sure he was wearing it...during an inning when the Yankees had a runner on base, not in between!

I get the desire to keep to tradition, but this is all a little bit weird. These are grown (often overgrown) men, and they look almost as silly as Josh Childress trying to pull off Buckwheat's afro (Josh, it's 2008 and you are not a teenager anymore, plus Ben Wallace already pulled this off far better). What does the bench coach need cleats for? Managers choosing to follow a tradition is nice and quaint and as baseball-ish as pitchers jumping over the foul line. But the league mandating tradition takes all the tradition out of it!

Three Points For Honesty

Thomas Jefferson once said, "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." But Guster sang, "Fiction is where genius lies." Regardless, these three folks are are either really, really wise, or total geniuses.

Miguel Tejada must be a really honest guy. Sure, he was OK misleading his other teams throughout his career about his age (and apparently his real name), but it was just eating him up inside that he was lying to the Astros about it, so he decided to come clean and get it off of his chest. He said he wanted to be a man, and that he feels so much better. Well I just think that's great. And I know you cynics out there will say that he only came clean yesterday because ESPN was airing an interview in which they confronted him with the lie and he angrily stormed out of the room. But I am sure it came from the goodness in his heart.

That kind of integrity is to be commended. Like when Jason Kidd said earlier this season that he wanted to be traded from the spiraling Nets because his absence and the players they receive in return could help the Nets franchise. Never mind that he had a no trade clause and would only go to a contender. He loved his team so much, he wanted to see them succeed with or without him. I am sure he checks in with his old teammates and fans regularly.

And then there's the case of good 'ole boy Clay Bennett who loved Oklahoma so much that when he left his home and businesses behind to go to Seattle to buy the Sonics, he only pretended that he would work in good faith to keep the team there, when in reality he apparently always had it in mind to pick them up and deliver them back to the Sooner State. His lie wasn't a lie. It didn't count because he was being true to himself. Never mind that people have come out of the woodwork to purchase the Sonics in order to keep them in Seattle. Never mind that Oklahoma City is next on the NBA's expansion list and Bennett would almost certainly be the owner of the new franchise. Clay has to be honest to his own personal dream of dragging a bad team to his old home, no matter how many untruths (but not lies) he has to tell, and no matter how many fans' hearts he has to break. I think you have to respect that.

In an era when people will seem to do anything to make a buck, it is nice to see these bastions of honesty, integrity and honor shining like beacons in the night to show us all the way to conduct ourselves. They don't fire guns in fights outside of nightclubs, or get arrested for DUI, or use steroids (well...except for Tejada). They don't get embroiled in gambling scandals, or get busted for drug possession, or beat their wives (well...except for Kidd).

Thank you for showing us the way Miguel, Jason and Clay.

NBA First Round Preview

The NBA Playoff match ups are finally ready for consumption. If I, or anyone else, cared about the Eastern Conference until the Pistons-Celtics series, I would discuss those series as well. But I don't, and neither does anyone but the family members of the players. So here is my flawless prognostication of the first round of the Western Conference playoffs:

1 Lakers vs. 8 Nuggets: I mentioned yesterday that this is the only match up in the West that stinks. The Lakers won't roll over the Nuggets, but the Nuggets will just find ways to lose. Traveling to Denver is tough because of the altitude and that will give them an advantage at home, but considering that the only Los Angeles basketball team to win a playoff series since Shaq emigrated was the Clippers, Kobe Bryant will make sure the Lakers win this one. And Denver can't play defense, so they can't stop the one-man Bryant show. Lakers in 6 (and that is being charitable to the Nuggets).

2 Hornets vs. 7 Mavericks: This is a tricky series because the Hornets have been front-runners for a long time this year and deserve the easy first round series, but there is no easy first round series, and they have absolutely zero playoff experience anyway. On the other side, you have Jason Kidd who may or may not be really good and Dirk Nowitski who is the same, but being a European, he will fold under pressure (born too close to France). If the Mavs can get the ball out of Chris Paul's hands like they did Wednesday night, the Hornets are screwed. And that is all the series comes down to. Defend Paul, Mavs win. If not, Hornets win. No way they can keep him down for four straight. Hornets in 7. Wouldn't it be great if Byron Scott then went and reminded Jason Kidd that it was Kidd who got Scott fired from New Jersey?

3 Spurs vs. 6 Suns: Is this the best first round match up in history? No question this series goes 7 games. Shaq and the Suns have been playing better and better as their season progressed, and the Spurs have been slowed a bit in the last weeks with Manu Ginobili hurt. However, I think if you give Tim Duncan seven times to find a way to beat someone, he will do it at least four of those seven times, every time, every opponent. I do not understand why Tony Parker is not subject to the European=soft equation, but somehow he escaped. Maybe Eva's Latin fire rubbed off on him. Spurs in 7 in a spectacular series. How sad that Shaq won't go further than Kobe again.

4 Jazz vs. 5 Rockets: The Rockets avoid a nightmarish road series in Utah because of an unusual rule change from a few years ago. Despite the Jazz being the higher seed, Houston has a better record by 1 game, and thus is awarded home court for the series. Utah was 37-4 at home this year, one of the losses was to Houston (opening night - doesn't really count). However, the only reason the paper-thin Rockets are in this situation is a freakish 22-game win streak. Without the streak, they are barely over .500. Put plainly, they won't win a game on Utah, so the question is: Can the Rockets go 4-0 at home? The answer is no. Utah in 5.

For posterity's sake, I will call the Spurs over the Jazz in the West Finals and the Celts over the Spurs in the Finals.

Yesterday I experienced the worst fantasy baseball day of all time. I had five starting pitchers, but only four spots for them so I had to bench on of them or a closer (Wagner, Papelbon and Rivera). I figured the Mets would blow out the Nats, so I benched Wagner, thus assuring a save between the other two who played each other. My starters' lines: Chien-Ming Wang 4 IP-8 earned runs, Tim Hudson 3 IP-4 earned runs, C.C. Sabathia 4 IP-9 earned runs, James Shields 5 IP-6 earned runs, and John Maine 6.2 IP-2 earned runs and a win. My closers: 0 IP. And Wagner, who I benched, got a perfect inning save with 1 K. This is why I do not pay for these leagues.

NBA Season End Awards

This week Sports Illustrated gave out their choices for the NBA's big awards.

Executive of the Year went to Danny Ainge of the Celtics for pulling off the greatest off-season in sports history. I am OK with that choice. Although Elgin Baylor would be a close second for not making really any useful moves. A lot of G.M.'s would have tried to find players to replace the injured Elton Brand and Sean Livingston, but Baylor did the brave thing and brought in chumps, writing off the season.

SI's Coach of the Year is Byron Scott, which I also cannot argue with. And at this point, I would like to point out that Jason Kidd is a huge ass.

Most Improved goes to Hedo Turkoglu, but really who cares?

Sixth Man goes to Manu Ginobili, which is not fair since he would start on every team (including his own) if the coaches wanted him to. Actually, he would start on every National Team.

As I write all this and consider the remaining awards, I realize how truly little I care about the NBA and will skip the other awards except the following point:

SI gives the MVP to Kobe Bryant. I could not agree less. The writer writes, "Bryant gets the nod for being the league's top two-way player." But I always thought "MVP" stood for "Most Valuable Player," not "Top Two-Way Player." The guy is a basketball freak. He is incredible and besides his inability to dribble properly or complete a layup or dunk without traveling there is nothing he cannot do on a basketball court.

Actually there is. Bryant can't win without a big man. In game 1 this year, they were basically the same team that they were in game 82 last year - although they added Derrick Fisher. They came out strong with Andrew Bynum suddenly reborn thanks to Fisher's play. This created more openings for Bryant, since Bynum drew so much attention. The team was winning and suddenly Bryant had matured and was a team player.

Then Bynum went down and by absolutely everyone's account, the season was lost until management yanked Pau Gasol out of Memphis. The season was thus saved and Lakers raced to the top of the Conference. When Gasol got hurt, they slipped and regained ground after he came back.

Bryant is the best player in the league, but he is not the most valuable player on his team. In fact I think it could easily be argued that this year Kevin Garnett was the most valuable player in the history of the league. Possibly in the history of all of the Big Three sports (though I am not one for hyperbole)...has any other team ever won nearly 3 times their total from the previous season?

Finally, the fact that Selena Roberts' column now resides on Rick Reilly's hallowed back page every two weeks may be the greatest tragedy in the history of the written English language (no hyperbole here either).

Stop The Presses: Manny Legged Out A Triple

Manny Ramirez had a triple and Red Sox fans gave Bill Buckner a standing ovation. Seriously. Both of those things happened on the same day. No joke.

I didn't think I would be able to find anything else to write about today after that, but then I read that the Chinese government asked the American government to prevent protesters from interfering with the Olympic torch relay as it passes through San Francisco today. This story is wonderful on a number of levels.

When China asked the U.S. government to prevent protests from occurring when the torch gets to San Francisco, there had already been people staging huge demonstrations in San Francisco (hanging monstrous signs off of the cables on the Golden Gate bridge, for instance). Apparently China thinks the U.S. government doesn't allow legal demonstrations. And best of all, they expect people in the biggest hippy-peacenik city in the country to not protest for Tibet when literally the entire sports and political world is watching? The relay could not go through a worse/better U.S. city (depending on your point-of-view). This is a city that annually holds the world's biggest pillow fight.

I hope the people of San Francisco hold such a spectacular protest that the Chinese are scared into ending the Torch relay and the U.S. pulls out of the Olympic Opening ceremony. And I LOVE the idea of the Torch relay (though I admittedly cannot stand the Opening Ceremony).

Last night I worked at KCAL and had to watch the Lakers game. What is worse: watching a Laker game or listening to a Laker game? Tough call. NBA referees should be ashamed of themselves for the calls they do not make. Kobe Bryant simply cannot dribble without carrying-over. No one can make a layup or dunk or take a first step on a drive without traveling. Every one of them could punch a guy and spin around in disbelief if a foul called. It is sickening.

But the Lakers lost and Brandon Roy torched Kobe Bryant time after time, so it wasn't a total waste of time for me.

Note to NBA teams: if you make a three-pointer, on the next possession whoever gets the ball first between Sasha Vujacic, Vlad Radmonovich, and Jordan Farmar, will shoot a three-pointer to answer. It happens every single time.

Dick Vitale came out with his top five for college basketball in 2009. The season was over for maybe an hour before he taped it. And who knows what players will leave for the NBA before then. Screw Dick Vitale and screw ESPN for airing him.

Finally, I used to not care about the Phillies. They were just another NL East team. I hate them now. And while Baseball Tonight may be my favorite show on television, I cannot watch a single other game's highlights on days when the Mets lose. Those smug jerks and their game-winning hits. I hate them.

The Key To Marital Bliss: Pink Sports Gear

From the Bowl Season to the NBA Finals, it is like a sports-hurricane. There is no time to rest or go on vacation without missing some seemingly monumental game.

First are the Bowls, which are generally overblown, annoying, corporation celebrations that include generally mediocre football since the teams haven't played in a month. But every year there is some miraculous play (or 3 if you are Boise State), upset (Boise State), or just well played, solid games, and those are what we remember in the long run anyway.

This leads directly into the NFL playoffs which are fantastic no matter who is playing. This of course brings the Super Bowl, which is always good for a party, even if the game is not up to this year's high calibre. Then there's the always amazing Pro Bowl. Just kidding.

As football's stranglehold over the American sports fans' attention gives way, the NBA decides to become interesting. The first 50 games of the NBA season are a complete waste, but the last 30 heat up as teams either start jockeying for either playoff positioning or Lottery balls. Either way, March and April are interesting for every team. Basketball is also good for dramatic story lines, like the fact that right now, the Lakers are the 3-seed and the Suns are the 6. Kobe vs. Shaq in the first round, and a rematch of the series that Kobe seemingly quit in to prove that they couldn't win without him. Nice.

Simultaneously on Versus, the NHL races heat up, but no one notices. Did you know the San Jose Sharks finished the season 18-0-2 in their last 20 games? It's not the 2007 Rockies, but that is how you go into the playoffs hot!

In the midst of the NBA and NHL stretch runs, Baseball opens its spring season and then the regular season with much fanfare (unless it happens in Japan: then no one notices). Baseball takes the driver's seat for about a week and half, just long enough for every city to get its home opener, then we all look back at hoops and hockey again.

Also overlapping with the NBA's, NHL's stretch runs, and MLB's opening is the NCAA tournament which is only the best sporting event in American sports. It doesn't involve only 8 or 16 of the 30 biggest markets in the country. Everyone is involved. Cities of less than 10,000 people see their hometown college play for it all. Games aren't just played in New York and LA (in fact, none were this year)...they're played in Spokane and Dayton. Sure, only 6-8 teams really have a chance to win it all, but in what other arena is "just being nominated" really an honor like it is for small programs who make the Dance?

The Tourney and Baseball's Opening Weekend end just in time for the NHL playoffs, which is the best sporting event in American sports that no one watches. I don't know if it is Gary Thorne's voice or just the incredible and ceaseless full speed hitting and skating, but there in nothing better than playoff hockey, when annually at least one goalie becomes superhuman and changes the sport.

The NBA playoffs are exciting too, but you get the sense that the first 3-quarters of every game are a warm-up for the fourth quarter. The series are too long, the gaps between games are too long, Bill Walton sucks, and the referees don't call the games fairly. But it is still must-see TV somehow. Damn you David Stern.

There is a little break for sports fans to go on vacation, but while on vacation, you realize that MLB is getting good, the College World Series is on, the Tour de France is on, Tennis and Golf are in Grand Slam/Major season, the Belmont Stakes may or may not mean something this year, the NFL is heading back to camp soon, and oh yeah, it's an Olympic year.

I think that Sports is a test from God to see how dedicated to staying married we all are. Fortunately, my bride has fallen in love with the Tourney and the NFL postseason, she was always a hockey fan, and I tricked her into liking baseball by buying her a pink Mets hat. Take that, God!

Elton Brand Is Back...I Think

Being a Clipper fan is a strange experience. I certainly think I get to enjoy the good times more than most sports fans do, because they are few and far between. But rooting for this team has not been easy over the years.

Drafting Danny Manning should have changed the franchise. Then he blew out his knee. Signing Ron Harper should have changed the franchise. Then he blew out his knew. Sean Livingston should have changed the franchise. Then he blew out his knee. Elton Brand did change the franchise. Then he blew out his ankle.

Sure, a lot of the blame over the years has to fall on management and ownership. They have made some terrible moves, but every organization has. No organization has this kind of luck. So the Cubs haven't won in a while. How many times has their franchise savior suffered these types of injuries?

Now they are winding down another dismal season that had glimmers of what could be, or maybe what could have been. The light at the end of the tunnel is that Elton Brand is possibly going to make his season debut Thursday night. I would give you more information about it, but when I go to Clippers.com, it opens with a screen about the dance team, and I really just can't get past that. I think the normal Clippers' home page is still there somewhere, but it is hard to read the words on the screen, so I don't try.

Out of curiosity, I went to Spurs.com, just to see if this dance-team-on-the-home-page thing is league wide. Guess what the Spurs have on their team home page? Basketball news. Same with the Lakers, Rockets, Celtics, Jazz, Suns, Mavericks, etc. The Hornets, Warriors, Hawks and some of the other rare playoff qualifiers have playoff ticket pre-sale screens on their homepages.

But with all the bad luck and losing, there are some perks to being a Clipper fan (besides the dance team even!). Tickets and parking are cheaper than Laker games. Better seats are always available. Ralph Lawler is the best in the business (besides Marv Albert). As I said, the good times are so much sweeter. I am not disappointed with a 30-win season, because I remember three 17-win seasons, a 15-win season and a 12-win season. Who doesn't love hating Danny Ferry. Loy Vaught was awesome. And best of all is Clipper Darrell (and if you have not been to a Clipper home game in the last decade, yes he is real and yes he is really loud).