Who Am I More Disgusted With: Laker Fans, Kobe, Morrison, Jackson, Or My Brother-In-Law?

I should preface this post by saying that I do not like the Lakers at all. I would not say that I am a "Laker-hater" because "hater" is not a word and it is really, really annoying. But I recognize that I was not exactly watching the game last night objectively.

If someday my children ask me to explain irony to them, I will tell them there are three kinds of irony but the most common one is situational irony - when what happens is basically the exact opposite of what you expect to happen, given the circumstances. Like a few weeks ago, I saw a sign on a car advertising for a personal trainer to help me lose weight fast. The driver was a little fat person.

Another example could be Phil Jackson, one of the more self-important, smug people I have witnessed, saying after last night's clinching game that "it's all about them," pointing to his players and referring to how this title came to happen. At the time, Jackson was wearing a bright yellow baseball cap with the Roman numeral "X" on the front to signify his record 10 titles as a head coach. "Ignore this blatant and obnoxious self promotion that shows how great I am, because it's all about them!"

Earlier in the day on Sunday, I had changed my Facebook status to say that I was excited for the Lakers to win so I could go out and loot a new TV and birthday presents for my wife. I sorta thought I was kidding. Once the game ended and the throngs of Laker fans looking for an excuse to riot in the streets showed up on the news, I realized that some people really are as ignorant and violent as I had been joking that they were.

In 2000 the Lakers won it all and 70 vehicle were damaged by rioters, mostly at a car dealership down the street from Staples Center. Some were police cars that these jackasses lit on fire. Another was a news van that they tipped over. This time, they threw fireworks and road-flares at police, damaged a police car, and set bonfires in the streets. Apparently there was some looting as well. What a proud heritage. Does this happen in other cities?

Last week NBC prevented the Red Wings from televising Stanley Cup Finals games from Pittsburgh at Joe Louis Arena because having that many fans all in one place was hurting their ratings for the area. I am disgusted by this and wonder if sports bars will be next to get the axe, but I thought it was funny that they didn't show it there for that reason, but they didn't show the Laker game at Staples Center because they knew that that many Laker fans in one place would certainly cause a riot. They got a riot anyway, of course (at least 25 arrested and at least one cop in the hospital).

When the Giants won the Super Bowl two years ago, I can't quite remember, but I don't think there was any part of me that thought, "I'm so happy, I could assault a police officer!"

Perhaps the greatest shame in all of this is that Sasha Vujacic and Adam Morrison now have NBA Championship rings. One of my favorite moments from the awkwardly staged celebrations after the game was when ABC went to the locker room to see them celebrating and Laker players were obediently standing around Kobe Bryant in a semi-circle, watching as he poured champagne on himself and repeatedly screamed, "Hell yeah!" No one seemed to be able to remember their cues and they all just stood there. In the background was Morrison in a now-disheveled shirt-and-tie, drinking out of a bottle all by himself. You could almost feel him thinking, "Suck on that J.J. Reddick, I am the next Larry Bird."

Maybe I am overly critical (yes I am), but didn't the entire postgame celebration feel like they were waiting for cameras to be on Kobe and his family? Didn't it seem like bad-sitcom TV. Like they'd call go to those cameras and then after a momentary delay, everyone would react for a time and then sorta stop and look at the cameras as if to say, "Are we still on? I don't remember what else I'm supposed to do in this scene." Everyone else seemed genuine and ecstatic, but the Bryants just seemed cardboard and staged. I can't wait for those little girls to grow up and write memoirs about how terrified they were all the time as children.

Why were Kobe's wife and daughters on stage-center for the trophy celebrations? MVP trophy...OK, but why the championship trophy? Derek Fisher's wife was with him on the court for a postgame interview, but I didn't see her on the stage.

Anyway, moving on. The person I really can't stand after all of this is my brother-in-law, Jeff. In my lifetime, I feel a bit spoiled to have seen the Giants win three Super Bowls and lose another, the Mets won a World Series and lost another, the Clippers made it to Game 7 of the second round once, and the Kings once lost a Stanley Cup Final. Also my college basketball team won a Tourney game in 2008. Pretty good success overall. So how has Jeff's 2009 gone? USC football beats the hell out of everyone all the time, but didn't win a National Championship (because there isn't one). The Lakers won the title. The Penguins won the Stanley Cup. The Steelers won the Super Bowl. And the Dodgers have the best record in baseball. Bastard.

Stay In School

I have a group of friends who send a constant stream of political emails to one another, arguing any and every point that can be argued. We argue about agreeing sometimes. Lately the hot topic has been the economy and the government's handling of it, and when I see videos like this one, I only grow more confident that our elected officials have the education, the wisdom, and the ability to fix what ails us.

I give you U.S. Congresswomen Corrine Brown (D-FL) and Maxine Waters (D-CA) and their takes on the NBA Finals.



If you feel like Rep. Brown is familiar, perhaps it is from this video in which she congratulates the "Gator" on their recent BCS championship.



I suppose this goes to show that when they say anyone can be somebody in America, they really mean anyone.

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Winners And Losers In Sports Last Week

Stanley Cup Finals: Detroit Leads 2-0
Winners: Red Wings, my friend Googs, the downtrodden people of Detroit that we were all supposed to support during the NCAA tourney but apparently don't need to worry about anymore since we remembered that Detroit wins the Cup every other year and they don't care about any other sport anyway.
Losers: NBC (Did you know this series is on NBC? No one else does either.), the NHL (the Golden Boy is getting crushed by a faceless red blob)

Rafael Nadal Loses At French Open
Winners: Roger Federer, Captain Fist Pump (aka Andy Murray)
Losers: Fans of Federer-Nadal epics,

Rachel Alexandra Will Not Race In The Belmont Stakes
Winners: People who don't like horse racing and want it to go away
Losers: the Sport of Kings (not only is there no Triple Crown chase, but now there is no Derby/Preakness winner rivalry), whoever is airing the Belmont this weekend

Manny Ramirez Will Be Voted Into All-Star Game (thanks to all this press)
Winners: Manny Ramirez, wig makers, hypodermic needle makers
Losers: Baseball ("we kinda have rules in place to condemn steroid use, but not really"), Raul Ibanez (by far the best overall outfielder in baseball right now, won't be voted in for sure...but will be there).

NBA Finals: Lakers vs. Magic
Winners: Basketball fans (Kobe-LeBron would have been cool, but could you really have watched five or six more games of the Cavs lining up all 11 other players on the bench and watching LeBron hold the ball till there were 5-seconds on the shot clock before making a move?), Adidas (they need to make a commercial where Dwight Howard is the the person holding the strings on those Kobe and LeBron puppets)
Losers: The NBA, Nike, the Lakers (home court: yes, but it is a worse matchup), Cavs fans (sure, he'll still stay in Cleveland with all the help they've managed to get for him over the years...of course!)

Charles Barkley Swearing On The Air
Winners: Fans of the English language because maybe he'll finally be fired
Losers: TNT (the fine can be as high as $500,000 thanks to Janet Jackson's boob)

The Yankees Are Back On Top Of The AL East For The First Time In Two Years
Winners: The Yankees, fans
Losers: Society

College World Series Freakish Box Scores
Winners: Florida State, Texas, fans of amazing hitting, fans of amazing pitching
Losers: Ohio State (lost 37-6...in baseball), BC (lost 3-2 in a 25 inning game that featured 28 consecutive batters being retired)

Soccer Team Beats Other Soccer Team
Winners: Fans of whichever team won that big game last week
Losers: Bar-hopping fans of the team that won who were subsequently crashed into by a bus driver who was angry with them because he is a fan of the other team

Some Kid Won A Spelling Bee
Winners: No one
Losers: Everyone who watches this every year and is subjected to not only a freaking spelling bee, but also the desperate, clumsy, and obnoxious phony mannerisms and attention grabs by these painfully socially awkward young people

Simona Halep Is Getting A Breast Reduction To Help Her Tennis Career
Winners: No one
Losers: Society

Donald Sterling To Be Honored By NAACP For Longtime Help Of Minority Youth
Winners: Donald Sterling, minority youth
Losers: Elgin Baylor (who is suing Sterling for wrongful termination in part because he claims Sterling is a racist), socially conscious people who try to avoid using archaic and offensive racial epithets by accident but still have to say "colored people" because of the NAACP

Clippers Win NBA Draft Lottery
Winners: The Clippers, fans (all 4 of us)
Losers: Blake Griffin

The King Is Dead!

John McEnroe called Sunday's Wimbledon Gentlemen's Championship match the greatest match he'd ever seen, and I suppose I would have to agree considering McEnroe has probably seen a few more matches than me. This got me thinking about the remarkably high number of spectacular championship games and stories we have seen in 2008. How often is the NCAA Tourney Final or the Super Bowl or the NBA Finals a sleeper? This year we have experienced riveting moment after riveting moment and while I think it is just a perfect storm of sport, I'd like to think it was a trend. Consider:

Super Bowl XLII: Giants 17-Patriots 14
The highest rated sporting event in American television history featured one of the greatest upsets in pro sports history, as the Giants muffled the best offense in NFL history throughout the game and drove the length of the field to score in the final seconds after the Patriots had just completed their own would-be game-winning drive. The Giants vanquished the widely perceived bad guys and stopped their run at a perfect 19-0 season as Eli Manning matched his older brother as Super Bowl MVP.

Men's NCAA Tournament Championship Game: Kansas 75-Memphis 68
A rare match-up of two #1 seeds and two preseason favorites wound up being a rare dream Final for the fans. Memphis used the second half's first minute-and-a-half to erase Kansas' 5-point halftime lead (the largest lead of the game to that point). The powerhouses then traded blows for the next 10 minutes before Memphis began to pull away. The lead stretched to 9 with 2:12 to go. Kansas immediately began fouling Memphis, a much maligned free-throw shooting team, and put on a furious charge to close the gap. Memphis missed four of its last five free throws and Mario Chalmers nailed a three-pointer with 2.1 second to go to send it to overtime. Kansas jumped out to a six-point lead in the overtime and Memphis was unable to make it up.

Stanley Cup Finals: Red Wings 4-Penguins 2
In the first ever postseason meeting between two of the most storied franchises in sports, let alone hockey, the Detroit Red Wings looked like they might cruise to an easy Stanley Cup win after blowout wins in the first two games. In Game 3, back in Pittsburgh, the Penguins were again out-shot by more than 10, but superstar Sidney Crosby made the best of two of his shots to keep the Pens in the series. In Game 4, The Red Wings killed off a 5-3 advantage for a minute-and-a-half midway through the third period to preserve a 1-1 tie and then scored the game winner with 2:26 to go to take a 3-1 series lead. Facing elimination on the road in Game 5, Pittsburgh pulled their goalie and Maxime Talbot scored an overtime forcing goal with 34 seconds left in regulation. The fifth-longest game in Stanley Cup Finals history was won by Penguin Petr Sykora in the third overtime after he had predicted to a sideline reporter earlier in the overtime that he would win it. Detroit won the Cup in Game 6 on a shot that was stopped by Pittsburgh goalie Marc-Andre Fleury. Fleury knew he did not have clean possession of the puck so he fell to the ice, hoping to trap it underneath him. In doing so, he knocked it into the goal. The Penguins had a last second shot stopped spectacularly by Chris Osgood and the Wings took the Cup.

NBA Finals: Celtics 4-Lakers 2
The NBA Finals pitted the league's greatest historical rivals, and each Conference's best regular season team against one another. Game 1 was a good, but unmemorable game until Boston star Paul Pierce fell awkwardly and was carted off of the court in a wheelchair. Pierce later returned to the game and sparked a Celtic win only moments after it appeared their series was doomed. In a game of streaks, the Lakers led Game 2 early on, but the Celtics put together a run to lead at halftime by 10. The lead stretched to 24 with under eight minutes to go before a furious charge by the Lakers to cut the lead to 2 with 28 seconds remaining and the Lakers had the ball. The Celtics denied the ball from Kobe Bryant, blocked Sasha Vujacic's shot and held on to win and take a 2-0 lead. The Lakers held serve in game three, winning on the backs of Bryant and Vujacic (56 points combined) as Pierce and Kevin Garnett struggled mightily for Boston. In Game 4, the Lakers surged out to a 35-14 first quarter lead and led by as many as 24 before Boston threw together a 21-3 third quarter run and eventually took the lead for good with just over four minutes remaining. It was the largest comeback victory in the NBA Finals in 37 years and the Celtics now led 3-1. Game 5 saw the same pattern repeats itself as the Lakers jumped out to a 43-24 lead, but then the Celtics reversed course and took the lead with a 38-17 run. The Lakers again jumped out to a 14-point lead in the fourth quarter before Boston put together a 16-2 run to tie it again. The Lakers held on to win at home and send the series back to Boston for Game 6 (3-2 Celtics). The Celtics led Game 6 24-20 at the end of the first quarter, but their coronation began in the second quarter as they outscored the Lakers 107-72 in the last three quarters. This was the largest Finals-clinching win in NBA history (131-92).

U.S. Open: Woods -1, Mediate E
Tiger Woods won his fourth U.S. Open and 14th major despite playing on a bad knee that would eventually be revealed as a torn ACL, forcing him to miss the rest of the 2008 season. Rocco Mediate outplayed Woods on Sunday and made up a two-shot deficit to tie the champ at -1 through 72 holes. In the 18-hole playoff, Woods played his typical steady game, opening up a three-shot lead through 10 holes, largely due to the seventh hole, which Woods birdied and Mediate bogeyed. Mediate scored three consecutive birdies on the back nine, and Woods slipped before birdying 18 to force a sudden-death playoff that would begin on the fateful seventh hole. Mediate bogeyed again and Woods' par earned him the Championship.

College World Series: Fresno State 2-Georgia 1
The Fresno State Bulldogs became the lowest ranked champion in NCAA all-sports history when they won the final two games the College World Series over Georgia to win the title. In the tournament, the Bulldogs won 9 games against teams ranked in the top 10, with six of those wins coming when they faced elimination.

Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest: Chestnut 59-Kobayashi 59
Longtime rivals Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi met at the Super Bowl of competitive eating on Coney Island and the titans of this "sport" took their battle down to the wire with Chestnut finishing a dog in the final seconds to tie it up. They went to the first "Dog Off" in 28 years, in which the first to finish five hot dogs wins and the American did his nation proud with an epic win on Independence Day.

Wimbledon: Nadal def. Federer 6-4, 6-4, 6-7 (5), 6-7 (8), 9-7
With a win, Roger Federer would tie the all-time record of six consecutive Wimbledon Championships, and 65 consecutive grass court victories. Nadal would become the first man since Bjorn Borg 28 years earlier to win the French Open and Wimbledon back-to-back. The pair had met in the last two Wimbledon Finals as well. Nadal won the first set and came back from a 1-4 deficit to win the second. Neither player faced a break point in the third set, as Federer won it 7-6 (7-5) in a tie-breaker. The fourth set also saw no breaks of serve and went to a tie breaker. Nadal jumped out to a lead and was serving for the Championship at 5-2. Federer won both points on Nadal's serve and later held off two Championship points to win the fourth 7-6 (10-8). Neither of these two top-seeded men had been able to earn a service break in over three sets before the match went to the tennis equivalent of overtime. With no fifth set tiebreakers at Wimbledon, the match was level at 6-6, then 7-7 and Nadal finally won a service break at 7-7 in the fifth set and then held serve at 8-7 to win his first Wimbledon Championship in the longest match in Wimbledon history in both time elapsed and games played.

Somewhere Shaq Is Very Happy Today

Why was it that in a series that featured so many amazing comebacks, there was no doubt that Game 6 of the NBA Finals was over by the time the first quarter was over. During Game 2, I was even so leery of Kobe Bryant's ability to make amazing things happen that I said it wasn't over when the lead was 20 with something like 8 minutes left. But with a lead smaller than that and with 36 minutes left, it was over in Game 6.

My favorite moment was with about 10 minutes left in the 4th quarter, the Celtics were up by 28 and Kobe was sitting to start the quarter when the crowd started chanting "Where is Kobe?" The Celtics crowd sounded like a single voice. I don't ever remember hearing a crowd so clearly enunciate it's cheers and taunts. And not only that, but they were so confident that it was over and that Kobe had been shut down, that they were not afraid to actually call him out - to dare him to do something about it.

This chant was broken up by three consecutive three-pointers from Ray Allen that must have left Sasha Vujacic questioning his value as a human being. I think Vujacic is a fantastic athlete; he must be to have gotten to where he is. But I think he chose the wrong sport. I have never seen someone kick the basketball to the officials or the inbounds guy more, and the way he goes down and throws his hands to his face like someone has just thrown acid at him all the time makes me think he is looking for a red card. Man, I hate soccer.

Yesterday was a huge day in sports around the world actually, with France and Italy playing soccer for the first time since the famed World Cup final game in which some guy headbutted some guy for a sister-joke, not even a mom-joke...and it wasn't even a headbutt to the head. If you saw the highlights from yesterday, the team known as The Azzurri (named for the azure blue jerseys all Italian national teams traditionally wear) wore white jerseys, while the nation known best for white fabric ("we surrender") wore blue jerseys. It was a wonderful game between two of the world's blah blah blah... One of them won. Or maybe they tied. Seriously, soccer is so lame.

I know that the game was out of hand by the start of the fourth quarter, but Phil Jackson should be fined by the Lakers, with the money being distributed among their fans, for forcing the Lakers' fans' hopes to rest on the shoulders of Ariza, Farmar, Turiaf, Vujacic and Odom. What was he saving Kobe, Pau Gasol and Derek Fisher for? Why bother with Odom, why not slap a jersey on MBenga and stick him in there to round out the five. I saw Kobe Carl back there in the third row, he's on the roster, right? The Clippers would have loaned Smush Parker back to the Lakers for the night. This guy is the "best coach of all time"?

I cannot believe that the Clippers finished the season with Smush Parker and Dan Dickau running the point.

It is hard to tell if Kobe was more upset about losing the Championship, not being named MVP, or the fact that the game was played late on the East Coast so his daughters couldn't be propped up next to him on camera afterwards. Regardless, the guy looked truly upset in the post-game interview and you could barely tell that he is already scripting his offseason trade demands.

NBA Action: It's Soporific

I finally got to watch the Lakers-Celtics Game 4, and between that and his Game 5 performance, I see why Kobe Bryant has always pretended he hated the Michael Jordan comparison. Kobe has utterly disappeared in this series. I haven't the foggiest idea who scored enough points for the Lakers to beat the Celtics in Game 5 because I don't remember any of them playing well.

The Celtics had a meltdown in Game 5; they just gave the game away. Perhaps they were tired (after about a week and a half since the last game), or perhaps they were looking ahead to the trophy ceremony, or perhaps they just wanted to go home. Regardless, they stunk. But the thing is, the Lakers didn't have anyone really go out and win the game either. The series is a pretty big snoozer to be honest.

Lamar Odom, Luke Walton, Vlad Radmonovich, Ronnie Turiaf, and Derek Fisher still play for the Lakers; I promise. I know you haven't seen or heard anything from them in a long time, but they're still there. Sasha Vujacic has made three shots in two games, which isn't that big of a deal for a guy coming off the bench. I mean you can't expect him to get too many shots...what's that you say? Those three made shots came on 19 attempts?

Ah, the old Sasha is back. The one who plays basketball like a soccer player (suffering life-threatening, debilitation injuries anytime someone comes within a few feet of him). Seriously, I know 3-year-olds that freak out less when they get bumped into. They also throw fewer temper tantrums and cry in public less. Maybe his poor shooting in Game 5 is a result of his slapping that chair in his weeping anger after Ray Allen undressed him to close out Game 4? Or maybe his poor shooting is a result of his crappiness. Either way, it was funny to watch him cry on Thursday.

Rounding out the crappy play of this series, you have Jordan Farmar who is just simply a terrible basketball player. The amazing depth of the bench has apparently hit low tide, because it ain't deep anymore. Pau Gasol is boring and steady and good and scores 15-18 every game, while making almost no defensive contribution for huge sections of the games. And finally, Kobe has vanished on the big stage.

As for the Celtics, it is more of the same. Pierce is hit and miss, but gets all the credit for the Game 4 comeback (why, I am not sure: he had 20 points, 4 rebounds and 7 assists. Kevin Garnett kinda plays like Tom Chambers. Ray Allen has been steady and smooth and great, but he just doesn't pound his chest, so you don't notice him. Kendrick Perkins was playing ok before getting hurt. Rajon Rondo's injury was the best thing that happened to him - he doesn't have to keep going out there and embarrassing himself by missing undefended jumpers and throwing passes out of bounds.

Eddie House, Sam Cassell, P.J. Brown and Leon Powe are all over the map. There was a stretch last night where Cassell looked like he was going to score 30 points, but most of the time these four are just on the court because you aren't allowed to play with four. James Posey has been pretty solid, but not great enough to become the story.

The stars haven't shined and the benches have just filled time for the most part. It isn't bad basketball, per se. It just isn't great basketball. Maybe I expected too much because of the whole Rivalry story that the league pushed despite that these two teams couldn't have cared less about one another for the last 15 years. Maybe I expected too much because of the Big Three's Battle. Maybe because it is the Championships, I expected greatness just to happen (like the Super Bowl this year). And it certainly isn't over. If the Lakers come back to win, it will go down as one of the great Finals of all time (despite being pretty crappy for most of the series).

I just hope that whatever happens in Game 6, that both teams play well at the same time at any point so we can actually see what it would have been like had the Spurs and Pistons made the Finals.

Lastly, has anyone else noticed that Kobe now stations his wife and kids in the tunnel on the way to the clubhouse after all of the games, so he can be "caught" being a loving father and husband? How much time do you think he spends in front of a mirror every day?

The Collapse Of The Year (And It Doesn't Involve The Mets!)

I am not sure what I am happier about in regards to this Lakers-Celtics Game 4. For one thing, the Lakers lost, thus all but clinching a series lost. That is fantastic. But because it happened, it kinda washes clean the memory of the Mets' third consecutive save blown by Billy Wagner yesterday. Also related to the Mets, the word "collapse" has been used to describe my beloved baseball team's 2007 season quite a bit, but I think the Lakers just put a new trademark on the word. And finally, I wasn't at home for the second half, so I have it TiVo-ed, so I get to watch every Jack Nicholson shot with relish as Lamar Odom shrivels into a tiny, little ball.

I watched the first half at home and was not thrilled with what I was watching. To be honest, it did not seem out of reach that the Celts would get back into it. They had a 12-0 run in the second, and there was simply no way that the shooting percentage could stay as high for the Lakers or as low for the Celtics. But then Kobe Bryant hadn't made a single hoop yet either.

So at halftime, I set the game to record and left for my Ultimate league game (in which we stomped on the team of a huge jerk, closing the game on a 14-5 run). My intent was to not listen to the radio and not find out the score so I could go home and watch Game 4 after my game. Of course midway through our second half, someone yelled out, "What? At home? No way!"

News got around that the Lakers had collapsed (see, I used it) and all I could think of was how fun it would be to watch it when I got home now that I know what was coming, and that what was coming would make me very, very happy. On the way home from my game (and the ensuing team trip to a bar), I listened intently to AM570 - the Lakers' broadcast station - as callers tried to make sense of their lives in the wake of this collapse. "We would have won with Bynum." "At least the Spurs didn't win it." "Garnett may win the title, but Kobe is still the MVP" (which is probably what Kobe is thinking too).

This weekend I am working at the Special Olympics in Long Beach, and thus missing out on the free tickets my wife just told me she got at work yesterday for the U.S. Open (ouch). But during those hour car-rides down and back, I will get to listen as all the L.A. sports radio guys' heads implode. I cannot wait to hear Vic the Brick Jacobs choke this one down. He may honestly be dead.

Of course the bad news in that the obnoxious Bostonians get to enjoy a title (it is a foregone conclusion now, right?), but I think it means less to them than the Patriots winning the Super Bowl would have, so I take considerable solace in the fact that my Giants screwed that up for them.

Milton Bradley Lost It, The Sun Set, And Other News This Week

It has been over a week since I have written anything sports related because this page was not loading properly and I couldn't post to it anyway. To say the least, it has been an eventful week, so today will be just a quick recap of the biggest sports stories of the week in my world:

Everyone is piling onto Mets' manager Willie Randolph because the team stinks. For a long while I thought this was mostly unfounded, but the more they lose the more you realize that something needs to change. I wonder though, why is Omar Minaya's job so safe. After all, he is the person who spent all the money and equipped Randolph's clubhouse with all of these chumps. So Carlos Delgado seems to be hitting again, but the Mets' regular bench consists of Damion Easley, Endy Chavez, Marlon Anderson, Fernando Tatis. Granted, there have been a lot of injuries and the team has had to dig deeper into the bench than Minaya could have expected, but these guys combine for a .209 batting average, with 32 runs, 27 RBI, 16 extra base hits, 15 walks and 49 strikeouts in the equivalent of about 90 games played.

Granted: if Pedro Martinez, El Duque, Ryan Church, Moises Alou, Angel Pagan, and Luis Castillo hadn't all been on the DL for extended periods this season, they could easily have accounted for the 6.5 games that the team trails the Phillies, but every team gets injuries. This team fills holes with old, slow, injured, has-beens with no minor league prospects to be found. When do we start blaming Minaya?

It is hard to give any credence to what Tim Donaghy says about games being fixed in the playoffs because Donaghy is a crook who could likely just be throwing blame around, but the guys sure picked interesting games to mention. And not that I think we should go around believing every scrumbags conspiracy theories, but didn't the world react the same way to Jose Canseco's wild claims until they turned out to be almost 100% true? And David Stern is not doing the league any favors by being a smug, arrogant prick that almost makes you root for the other scumbag to bring him down.

Soon I will research the worst current contracts in baseball. The Dodgers' announcers were ripping the Mets last week for having this crazy payroll and I have a feeling they would not be happy with that I discover (I am looking at you Esteban Loaiza, Andruw Jones and Jason Schmidt).

The Orioles sent Steve Trachsel to the minors the other day. Since he has been gone, the league-wide average game time has dropped by 11 minutes.

Kevin Garnett did a commercial for ABC's Finals coverage in which he makes sweet love to the Finals Trophy. I don't like players holding a trophy they haven't won and talking about how good it feels to hold it. You don't touch it until you deserve to touch it.

Through three games, the Lakers' fans are proving what everyone things about L.A. sports fans: lazy, unintelligent and uncreative. They don't cheer unless the scoreboard tells them to, and the best chants they came up with were "Boston Sucks," and "MVP." Really? OK, so "beat L.A." is not much better than "Boston sucks," but it is better somehow. But Laker fans cannot compete with a Boston crowd that chants "No means no" at Kobe Bryant on the free throw line. Absolutely classic.

ABC pulled the most shameless in a long line of shameless promotional plugs in Game 3. They actually had a 3-D cardboard Wall-E ad in the seats for the game. This makes Fox look tasteful and dignified. Well, not dignified...actually, just forget I wrote that.

Chris Simms has asked to be released from his contract because he says he doesn't see himself fitting into their QB plans and wants to play somewhere. I have two thoughts here: the Giants should sign him and win Super Bowls with father and son (son on the bench of course), and why did Simms feel no hope for playing time in Tampa? San Diego Torero Josh Johnson, baby!

Michael Strahan pulled a John Elway and retired at the pinnacle of his career. Thank you Michael!

Dontrelle Willis was sent to the Minors because he was struggling. Not big news there. Except that he wasn't just struggling: his ERA was 10.32, and he had 5 strikeouts and 21 walks in 4 starts. And he wasn't just sent to the Minors, he was sent to Class A! Ya think his $29 million contract will be on my list?

Kobe Bryant got a technical foul in Game 2 and another in Game 3 for whining for calls on the only two plays that there probably was no actual contact. He hasn't punched anyone yet though, so thus far his behavior has been well above standard, except the pouting, screaming at teammates to stop shooting and give him the ball, whining, posing and almost total avoidance of the team's actual offensive strategy.

The Celtics are not as bad as everyone thought they would be and the Lakers are not as good. It is very likely that Kobe will not pass the ball once for the rest of the series (1 assists in the "must-win" Game 3). And as long as I watch the games with my friend Justin (who went to Gonzaga but I am the forgiving sort), the Celtics will win if the pattern holds.

5 points goes to any reader who can remember the first and last name of Big Brown's trainer without looking it up. Post it in a comment to this post. It has only been 5 days and already no one cares. But hey, at least everyone thought he was a complete ass during the duration of his 15 minutes.

It is weird to think that I have played golf on the course on which the U.S. Open is being played today/this weekend. That almost makes me a pro. I want free clubs. When I played at Torrey Pines, it was the week after the Buick Invitational in 2000. The course was tough and long, the rough was deep and the empty grandstands and T.V. towers were very intimidating. This week, the course is playing a lot tougher and a lot longer, the rough is probably 2 inches deeper and the grandstands and T.V. towers will be full. I am starting to think that professional golfers might be better than I am.

Milton Bradley blew up and tried to kill someone yesterday. Not news, I know, but it is a funny story: the Royals announcer said that Bradley would be well served to own up to his mistakes and move past them like Josh Hamilton has done. Bradley went nuts when he heard the comments, stormed through the clubhouse and had to be restrained from going into the booth to apparently take the guy's life, thus proving the guy right. He then was dragged back to the clubhouse and began sobbing about how no one thinks he's changed and gotten over his anger problems.

Maybe it was the scouting report on the Diamondbacks, but on Tuesday John Maine threw 104 pitches. 80 of them were fastballs. How about mixing in an off-speed pitch once in a while (that said, he struck out seven and was in line for a win before the bullpen blew another lead and the offense feel asleep in the last half of the game again).

Milton Bradley just screamed at me from the street. He's coming upstairs...I have to go.