Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A Great Day For Mankind

Mark January 20, 2009 as one of the most important days in American history, possibly even world history. It is a day of social progress, cultural significance, and historical relevance. Yes, my fellow Americans, it is the day I start writing on this site again.

Despite that this is basically a sports blog however, I do have a few things worth noting (but likely not worth reading) about the day's other significant news: the Inauguration:
-Never before has Dick Cheney looked more like an evil mastermind than he did rolling up in his wheelchair. Is there any doubt that that cane he carried was made from the dried, compressed hopes and dreams of people he has destroyed with some kind of gigantic death ray that is housed in a cave underneath the Vice President's residence?

-I saw Aretha Franklin in concert a few years ago and she was not great, but she was still Aretha Freaking Franklin. She spent as much time back stage in costume changes (you try putting a new billboard on a blimp) and presumably eating, as she spent on stage. All that changed at the Inauguration: she is now officially a mere caricature of herself...a caricature that should not, under any circumstances, sing.

-You have to like Craig Robinson (first lady's brother, basketball coach at Oregon State) wearing an Oregon State scarf. If I was a student there, and he was my basketball coach, I would be so fired up about that. This could easily inspire those kids to win two or maybe even three more Pac-10 games this year.

-Was George Bush, Sr. wearing Mikhail Gorbachev's hat?

-Some day an old lady will tell her grand children that she was in the front row at her church watching with pride and satisfaction the day the first African American was sworn is as the President of the United States of America. She will talk about the glorious sun shining down on him as he gave his beautiful, determined, sober, powerful address. She will talk about how it gave hope to millions and will hopefully talk about how good things got after that day. She will probably not mention that she was the kid asleep in the front row that CBS kept showing. Note to the director: maybe focus on a different area of the congregation...an area where people are awake.

-Speaking of the CBS broadcast, did they not have a switch or a button or something that could shut off the mics of Katie Couric and the other hosts? I have never heard so much off-camera whispering and conversation in my life. It was like standing outside of the control room at a high school play.

-Finally, at one point they mentioned Robert Frost reading a poem at an Inauguration. I am sure that Frost enjoyed that 5th grader's poem that that women read at the...what's that? She wrote it? Oh, in that case, I imagine Frost, Edgar Allen Poe and Mark Twain are rolling over in their graves after that horrible poem, or maybe it was just her delivery. Somewhere Maya Angelou is freaking pissed right now.

The main reason I have restarted to write again is that my opinions are just too important to civilization to be kept to myself, so I felt like the right thing to do would be to broadcast them to the world so that people around the globe (well mostly just my mom and occasionally my wife when I ask her to read it) can learn from what I have to share.

Today's post is already too long thanks to the monumental historical event I mentioned earlier, so I won't drag on any longer, but I won't take two months to write my next entry so check back soon. Some topics I expect to cover: Pete Carroll: a-hole, the Super Bowl, Devil Rays vs. Arizona Cardinals, Manny Ramirez, St. Mary's throwing their hats in the ring for the Worst Sportsmanship of 2009 award, the ticking time bomb of crappiness that is 24 and how to fix it, and of course Lost which is returning exactly 34 hours from the moment I type this period: . And much, much more, most of which you will not care about, including the funniest injuries in professional sports history.

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