Friday, July 25, 2008

Reason #146 Why Soccer Is Stupid

Today's reason why soccer is stupid: Here is a quote from Sports Illustrated; see if you can find out what's wrong with this:

"The Revolution tied Chivas USA to advance to the SuperLiga semis."

They tied...they tied, and advanced in the tournament! How is this conceivable!? Not only that, but the MLS championship series is two games. Not best of three, not best of seven. It is like the people who are in charge of soccer leagues around the world are consciously trying to piss me off.

To be 100% honest, soccer itself is not that bad. I used to love watching the kids play at the high school I taught at. I enjoy the U.S. national team when they play in the World Cup, Olympic or against Mexico. But there is so much around the game, not to mention the chronic flopping and the possibility that a championship game can end in a tie, that makes me hate the sport. Follow the link there for a flop that would make Sasha Vujacic weep in envy... the best part is when the announcer says it "fully deserved censure, if not ridicule." Perfect.

Plus, every field in Los Angeles is occupied by fat, ugly people playing "the beautiful game" badly. Shouldn't they all be attractive and talented if they're gonna dare call it that? It is like those "Beer Heaven" commercials. If it was really "beer heaven," would there really be other men there? Or clothing?

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Saturday should be the last meaningful stage of the Tour de France and will no doubt be spectacular. On Wednesday's epic Stage 17, Carlos Sastre made an uncharacteristically bold move and blew the field away up Alpe d'Huez. He now clings to a lead of about a minute-and-a-half over four guys who are all better than him at individual time trials. Guess what Saturday's stage is?

The individual time trial is when the riders leave at set intervals from one another, with the last place guy going first and the clubhouse leader starting last (just like golf). So there is no peloton. There are 158 riders against the clock. Pre-tour favorite Cadel Evans is very good at this skill and has, in the past, made up over two minutes on Sastre in time trials of the same approximate distance.

There is also the possibility that Sunday's 21st stage into Paris will actually see some racing. Typically this is a parade for the guy who has already wrapped the thing up. But with six riders (including American Christian Vandevelde) in position to get onto the podium in one spot or another, the time trial may not be decisive enough, and the heavy hitters may be sprinting those laps on the Champs Elysees, not sipping champagne and mugging for the cameras. Cross your fingers!

1 comment:

Dr. Mary Travelbest said...

Hi Scott.
My kids are all athletic and I'm taking them to a soccer clinic today. The boys play on rec teams which start in two weeks and the girls have never played. But, why not? Better than them watching tv or playing video games....YES! and they can call it cross-training for other sports. They will never be in the Chivas playoffs, but why not a neighborhood game or skills clinic just for fun?
Mary Beth McCabe Shubat