NBA Playoff Weekend Roundup And Salma Hayek

Perhaps the biggest tragedy in sports this year will be that either the Spurs or Suns will not make the second round of the playoffs, but either the Magic or Raptors will. I suppose the NBA and the involved TV networks like the idea of having such intriguing first round match ups as the Spurs vs. Suns and having the Pistons lose game 1 at home, but at the same time they must be scared out of their minds.

When you look at it, there is not much to get excited about in in the first round. The Lakers-Nuggets series is a train wreck and will probably be a sweep or 5-gamer. Celtics might win in 3, with Atlanta just conceding. New Orleans vs. Dallas...yawn. There are some interesting subplots, but ultimately does anyone outside of New Orleans or Dallas care? Detroit - Philly is only interesting if Philly wins game 2. Otherwise, Detroit will probably just win it in 5. Utah vs. Houston could be the most boring and anonymous match up of 54-win teams in league history. FYI: Orlando and Toronto both have NBA franchises and are actually meeting in the playoffs. Cleveland vs. Washington is only interesting to see if LeBron will topple under the pressure of playing 12 against 1 every night. Even Ben Wallace's possible hairdo spectacles aren't interesting anymore. And of course, San Antonio vs. Phoenix is one of the best first round playoff match ups in any sport of my lifetime.

So one series is watchable, and it lived up to that title in Game 1 - not that I watched. I did not see any of the games this weekend because I still don't really care yet - or I don't care enough to waste two hours of my life watching the first three quarters of a game yet.

I did watch the Mets vs. Phillies Sunday night and that 6th inning rally made me really, really happy. I also think that Chase Utley would look very good hitting second between Jose Reyes and David Wright. When is his contract up in Philly? The Mets are on TV again tonight, but I get to work at the Dodgers game censoring profanity for the live telecast. This will be like knowing that Salma Hayek is standing next to me naked, but I have to watch Diane Keaton undress instead. I hate Diane Keaton.

In 2006, I was in Boston for Patriots Day. I was at a bar watching the Red Sox, and Mark Loretta hit a game-winning homer and then we ran outside to watch the winners of the Boston Marathon finish - the closest finish in history at the time. It was a pretty spectacular 5 minutes in sports-fandom. Is there a more painful/glorious ending to a sporting even that what happened this morning though? A woman out-leaned an opponent to win the marathon by 2-seconds, gaining the advantage win 100-yards left. Can you imagine dedicating your whole life to training, getting perfectly primed for the biggest event in the sport, going out and being the leader through 99.8% of a 26.2-mile race and then losing it in the last .05 miles? Spectacular.

NBA First Round Preview

The NBA Playoff match ups are finally ready for consumption. If I, or anyone else, cared about the Eastern Conference until the Pistons-Celtics series, I would discuss those series as well. But I don't, and neither does anyone but the family members of the players. So here is my flawless prognostication of the first round of the Western Conference playoffs:

1 Lakers vs. 8 Nuggets: I mentioned yesterday that this is the only match up in the West that stinks. The Lakers won't roll over the Nuggets, but the Nuggets will just find ways to lose. Traveling to Denver is tough because of the altitude and that will give them an advantage at home, but considering that the only Los Angeles basketball team to win a playoff series since Shaq emigrated was the Clippers, Kobe Bryant will make sure the Lakers win this one. And Denver can't play defense, so they can't stop the one-man Bryant show. Lakers in 6 (and that is being charitable to the Nuggets).

2 Hornets vs. 7 Mavericks: This is a tricky series because the Hornets have been front-runners for a long time this year and deserve the easy first round series, but there is no easy first round series, and they have absolutely zero playoff experience anyway. On the other side, you have Jason Kidd who may or may not be really good and Dirk Nowitski who is the same, but being a European, he will fold under pressure (born too close to France). If the Mavs can get the ball out of Chris Paul's hands like they did Wednesday night, the Hornets are screwed. And that is all the series comes down to. Defend Paul, Mavs win. If not, Hornets win. No way they can keep him down for four straight. Hornets in 7. Wouldn't it be great if Byron Scott then went and reminded Jason Kidd that it was Kidd who got Scott fired from New Jersey?

3 Spurs vs. 6 Suns: Is this the best first round match up in history? No question this series goes 7 games. Shaq and the Suns have been playing better and better as their season progressed, and the Spurs have been slowed a bit in the last weeks with Manu Ginobili hurt. However, I think if you give Tim Duncan seven times to find a way to beat someone, he will do it at least four of those seven times, every time, every opponent. I do not understand why Tony Parker is not subject to the European=soft equation, but somehow he escaped. Maybe Eva's Latin fire rubbed off on him. Spurs in 7 in a spectacular series. How sad that Shaq won't go further than Kobe again.

4 Jazz vs. 5 Rockets: The Rockets avoid a nightmarish road series in Utah because of an unusual rule change from a few years ago. Despite the Jazz being the higher seed, Houston has a better record by 1 game, and thus is awarded home court for the series. Utah was 37-4 at home this year, one of the losses was to Houston (opening night - doesn't really count). However, the only reason the paper-thin Rockets are in this situation is a freakish 22-game win streak. Without the streak, they are barely over .500. Put plainly, they won't win a game on Utah, so the question is: Can the Rockets go 4-0 at home? The answer is no. Utah in 5.

For posterity's sake, I will call the Spurs over the Jazz in the West Finals and the Celts over the Spurs in the Finals.

Yesterday I experienced the worst fantasy baseball day of all time. I had five starting pitchers, but only four spots for them so I had to bench on of them or a closer (Wagner, Papelbon and Rivera). I figured the Mets would blow out the Nats, so I benched Wagner, thus assuring a save between the other two who played each other. My starters' lines: Chien-Ming Wang 4 IP-8 earned runs, Tim Hudson 3 IP-4 earned runs, C.C. Sabathia 4 IP-9 earned runs, James Shields 5 IP-6 earned runs, and John Maine 6.2 IP-2 earned runs and a win. My closers: 0 IP. And Wagner, who I benched, got a perfect inning save with 1 K. This is why I do not pay for these leagues.