A Massive Collapse At The Cowboys' Stadium? But It's Not Even January!

What's that explosion you hear echoing from the Dallas area?  It's not the last glimmer of Jerry Jones' hope for widespread public respect fading into that good night after the video hit the web showing his apparently recent comments blasting Tim Tebow, revealing how similar his love for Tony Romo is to Herbert's love for Brian Griffin on The Family Guy, and explaining that Bill Parcells is a joke and that Jones only hired him to silence critics and dupe his fans into voting to approve the new stadium.

No, that noise is Jerry's 'Boys' old home finally being demolished nearly a year after they opened the doors of their new gaudy monstrosity, stripper cages and all.  You remember the new stadium right?  Its the one with that huge TV screen?  The one that was opened with a loss to the Giants?  Yeah, that's the one. 

Videos of Texas Stadium's implosion are all over the web (google "Texas Stadium implosion" and take your pick), and frankly, I can't get enough of them.  They combine two spectacles that I always enjoy watching: building implosions and well, watching Texas Stadium collapse. 

Today I found a video on the Cowboys' official site that is truly pretty amazing though.  They set cameras up in such a way that they had a 360 degree view of the implosion and then linked the videos so you can actually manually move the perspective around as it is playing - just like the 360 still photos that you've probably already used online (like on Google maps, for instance).  I don't think I've ever seen this done with video, and it's pretty amazing.

Watch the video a few times, but be sure take a look with the camera facing down the field directly into the oncoming debris. 

I wanted to make some joke linking the building collapse to that fat bastard, and noted cheater Flozell Adams, but it just seems hollow after the Cowboys released him last month.  So I'll just say this: Flozell Adams is a fat bastard and a cheater.

The Britt List (9/22/09)

My friend Jim asked me last week, "Isn't it about time you write a blog about the latest antics of spoiled sports figures." And he carries a gun to work every day, so Jim gets what Jim wants (Go Seahawks, by the way).

I should probably find some sort of common thread that I could use to string all of these stories and non sequitors together into some sort of cohesive commentary. But that's much harder and I am not getting paid for this. Plus it's been a while since I've really written much and the "notes" section of my phone is getting really long and really need to just empty it out, so here goes...

1. How can I start a list of spoiled sports figures anywhere other than with Serena Williams? Two week ago she got smoked by eventual U.S. Open champion Kim Clijsters for 1 set, 5 games, and 2 points. Then two points from the end, she was called for a foot fault on her serve (that is, she stepped on the line while serving...probably a bad call). The penalty for this is the loss of that point. So that makes it match point.

But that little mistake isn't why she heads up this list. No, her out-of-control, profanity-laden, physical-harm-threatening breakdown that got her a 1-point penalty, which cost her the match because it was match point, is what got her on this list. It was definitely one of the most great freak-out's I've ever seen in sports, not up there with George Brett or the minor league baseball manager who pretended to be in a foxhole and toss a grenade of course, but it's impressive. It starts at about :46 in this video and peaks at about 5:20.

Serena later tried to be her normal disingenuously adorable self and said that it's just because she's so passionate and competitive and it got the better of her this time. That explains it; other athletes who get hosed on calls are just not competitive and that's why they act with grace and decorum. I've often felt that Serena Williams (and to a slightly lesser extent, Venus Williams) has been protected by the sports media with the same umbrella that they used to protect Roger Clemens for such a long time. "He's a fiery competitor." Or, "It's her intensity that makes her a champion." No, he was a 'roid raging egomaniac and she is a spoiled bully. I'd like to think that the press has finally turned on her and decided to finally write her off as the poor-sport that she is, but I think Kanye West might have distracted everyone too much with his blowup last week. (Seriously, is the jury still out on Kanye? So the guy sings a song every now and then about praying, and he cried on Leno, that doesn't mean he isn't just a huge asshole.) (And as a second side note, why is the adjectival form of "fire"not "firey?" I mean why suddenly move the "e" inside the "r"?)

2. Robert Henson of the Washington Redskins wrote the following on his Twitter page after some home fans booed the 'Skins in a home loss on Sunday: "All you fake half hearted Skins fans can...I won't go there but I dislike you very strongly, don't come to Fed Ex to boo dim wits!...The question is who are you to say you know what's best for the team and you work 9 to 5 at McDonalds."

There is no way I can write anything here that remotely compares to the sentiment and emotion expressed by Mike Greenberg of ESPN, so I won't bother. And there is nothing to add to Greeny's rant, so I won't. Except this: is it possible that this is all a grammatical misunderstanding? I mean, look at what he wrote: "Don't come to Fed Ex to boo dim wits!" Isn't Henson saying that he and the other players and coaches are "dim wits" and telling fans not to come and boo them? Yeah, probably not. He's just too dim witted to know what the comma is for.

3. Phillip Rivers seems like the perfect example of a kid who was always a really good athlete, so he just never really got put in his place on the field and was never disciplined by his parents, teachers, or coaches. Once again last week he took a penalty for taunting - he leaned over and yelled in the face of an opposing player who had fallen down next to Rivers. The problem is, he is still a really good athlete and won't be getting put in his place any time soon. And he's clearly too immature and/or stupid to realize that he'll never win a Super Bowl with this kind of leadership style, talent be damned.

4. It took Terrell Owens exactly one game to throw his new quarterback under the bus, saying that Trent Edwards showed poor judgement and missed plays where Owens was open. I know, I'm shocked too.

5. Jacksonville Jaguars owner Wayne Weaver came out after the team's Week 1 loss and said that he was hoping to draft Tim Tebow for next season. Tebow is the reigning Heisman Trophy winner and BCS Champion quarterback from Florida, which is in Jacksonville and is far more popular than the Jags. That's good. Way to piss on the millions of dollars spent by fans on tickets and TV packages for this season, let alone on your current players, by already writing the season off within hours of its start. But hey, the good news is that they're gonna get totally hosed if they don't get the #1 draft pick because if they want to move up to get Tebow, the price just went way up when Weaver tipped his hand 8 months before the draft. Whoops.

6. The Cowboys apparently sold something like 30,000 standing-room only tickets (called "Party Passes") to their opening night game against the Giants on Sunday (the Giants won because Tony Romo sucks). The goal was to set the record for the largest regular season crowd in football history, which they did (105,121). Sadly most of those folks who shelled out $29 to stand on a huge balcony facing but far away from the field couldn't actually see the field at all, and some were not allowed into the stadium. It nearly caused a riot and the extra fans couldn't help lift the Cowboys to a win anyway, but the only part of this paragraph that Jerry Jones is probably capable of comprehending is, "Cowboys...set the record for the largest regular season crowd in football history...face...lift...Jerry Jones."

7. Flozell Adams is a very, very fat former great NFL offensive lineman who now just resorts to cheating in order to stop players from exposing the staggeringly large weaknesses in his game. He has led the league in penalties in each of the past 3 seasons. This week the Giants' Justin Tuck apparently told him there was a gigantic plate of ribs over his left shoulder and when Adams went left to look, Tuck bolted the other way to go sack Tony Romo. Adams became angry that there weren't actually any ribs and rather than shift into position and block Tuck, he instead illegally stuck his hippopotamus-sized leg out and tripped him, causing Tuck to fall awkwardly, injure his shoulder and miss the rest of the game. Adams later blamed Tuck saying, "Tell him to stay up." Adams then leaned back over and continued eating from his trough.

8. We always hear what a genius Pete Carroll is, so it must be true. So when he disgracefully shunned his golden boy, Mark Sanchez, last spring when Sanchez chose to enter the NFL, some wondered why Carroll the Genius did it. Why go on record on the biggest day of Sanchez' career, a celebratory day marking his graduation from USC football, not just USC academics, and say the kid isn't ready for the NFL and he has stats that show that Sanchez will fail? Granted, it's only two games into his pro career, but Sanchez seems to pretty pretty damned ready for the NFL. I guess Carroll was wrong on that one.

Once Matt Barkley got the USC starting quarterback job, every time you heard Carroll talk about him you got a kinda creepy, borderline-inappropriate, "I want to carry his babies"-kind of feeling. Though you know Carroll is faking it since he had already named Aaron Corp his starter until Corp got hurt in preseason workouts. And having seen Corp play last weekend in Washington, we now see that Corp getting hurt and forcing Carroll to start Barkley was the best coaching move he'll make this year.

You might wonder why Carroll was singing the praises of Barkley so loudly, besides that the kid is pretty good. But you have to remember that this is Division I-A college football. The title game participants are chosen as much through the politics in the press room as they are through play on the field. USC couldn't afford to start the season ranked in the teens because that makes one-loss a season-ender. So Carroll had to convince voters in that first poll that Barkley is the best quarterback that had ever come through his program so they'd keep USC from tumbling out of the preseason top 5. Now they've lost a game and dropped to 12th, but can still climb back into the conversation. Had they started at 12th and lost, dropping to 20th or below, the season would be over. Maybe he is a genius.

The good news for USC fans is that we've already seen that they don't need to win, let alone play in, the BCS Championship Game to call themselves National Champions at USC. So the polliticking is all kind of a waste anyway, I guess.

9. This one isn't directly at any particular stupid/spoiled sports figure, but rather all the national reporters covering the Giants. Why is everyone so shocked at the skills and performance of Steve Smith? He came from a major college program (USC) where he was a star. He was a high draft pick (2nd round). He led the team in receptions last season (his first as a regular player, though he was still considered the third receiver). And as if all of that wasn't enough to gain him the notoriety he deserves, as a rookie Smith made the most skilled reception and play on that Super Bowl winning drive, saving the Giants' hopes. He is the victim of circumstance, it seems. No one remembers his play on the big drive because it was sandwiched between David Tyree's helmet catch and Plaxico Burress' touchdown. No one recognizes his name because when he came into the league, there already was a star-receiver named Steve Smith. No one remembers his 2008 success because it was overshadowed by the Burress-gun debacle. But it doesn't seem to bother Smith or Mario Manningham or any of the Giants' other younger receivers that they are considered the team's weakness. It just makes it easier to embarrass seemingly unsuspecting and overconfident secondaries (we're looking at you Terrence Newman, Orlando Scandrick, Keith Hamlin, Mike Jenkins...).

10. Who do I pick for the last one?

-LeGarrette Blount of Oregon for kissing his senior season (and draft status) goodbye when he punched a Boise State player and attacked BSU fans after their season opening loss.

-Whoever at Boise State thinks it is a good idea to have a blue field and blue uniforms that make their players invisible on TV, thus making their games unwatchable.

-Whoever at ESPN still think Lou Holtz should be a commentator? I mean he's knowledgeable, and you just wanna cuddle in his lap (with an umbrella) and hear stories about the olden days, but you can't understand a shingle thing that comesh out of hish mouth.

-Kick returners who call fair catches at the 5 yard-line or take kicks out from 8-yards deep in the endzone?

-Whoever at Yahoo! Fantasy Sports ranked LaDainian Tomlinson as highly as he did causing me to get a completely wasted first round draft pick because we've known for two years that LDT was toast?

-Whoever started calling Tomlinson, "LT," despite that there was already a better player in the same sport with the same nickname and you just don't do that?

-Whoever at ABC wrote the stat-list for Pete Carroll for Saturday's game that said he was a two-time National Champion with USC even though the team has only won the National Championship game once in his tenure. Either we have two polls, and its the same split-champion situation that the BCS was created to avoid, or not. But we can't have both. If only there was such a thing as an event where various teams met and played against one another in elimination games to determine the last team standing.

-Milton Bradley who is getting run out of yet-another baseball town after being suspended for the remainder of the season by the Cubs for being a surly prick all the time. If your playing the Milton Bradley home edition, the winning cards this season were: Bump an Ump: Get suspended two game, Throw a Ball Into the Stands With Only Two Outs: Move two baserunners up two bases each, Freak Out After a Flyout, Again: Get sent home during the game, and later get in a fight with the manager in the clubhouse, Say You Hate Coming to Wrigley Field Because The Fans Are Racist: Turn your last remaining supporters against you, and finally for a bonus... Rip the Fans and Local Media For Expecting You To Play Well for the $10,000,000 They're Paying You: Get suspended for the season.

-Bud Selig for lowering the four-game suspensions of Jorge Posada and Jesse Carlson to three-games after the two agreed not to appeal the suspension. So what are we saying here, that they always deserved a three-game suspension but you were gonna make it four for no good reason? Or that saying "I won't appeal," is just as effective as actually appealing?

Or maybe all of them will just tie for 10th. Yeah, that'll work.

Cowboys To Play In CFL Until They Get NFL-Caliber Talent

With baseball season over actual real-life rain falling in L.A. over the weekend, it seems a little silly to still write about Andruw Jones' unfathomable contract, but it is one of my favorite topics so I am torn. Fortunately, the Knicks' Stephon Marbury is proving that his deal is perhaps worse.

Which contract is a bigger burden is a tough call. Jones costs a lot of money and actually hurts his team when he plays. Marbury costs even more money but isn't actually on the roster. You make the call. As for now, the Knicks are 1-2 and Marbury has earned exactly $762,461.89 despite not playing at all. In fact he hasn't suited up for the last two. But it isn't because of injury, actually it is because coach Mike D'Antoni thinks he is such a cancer to the team that he refuses to play him so Marbury asked to be placed on the inactive list. Marbury is set to earn $20,840,625 this season and says he will not be bought of his contract for a dime less.

While I don't blame him, after all it's not his fault that Isiah Thomas was an idiot and agreed to the deal, I guess this will be the end of Marbury's run at being seen as a good guy for signing a sneaker deal that made inexpensive (around $20) sneakers instead of the normal NBA star shoes that retail in the hundreds. But then, I don't think there was ever a chance that this guy would be seen as a good guy. That ship sailed when he was run out of his second or third NBA city and then again when he tattooed his shoe-logo on the side of his bald head. Mike Tyson is jealous of this lunatic's committedness to lunacy!

Speaking overpaid, self-serving lunatics, did anyone else see the Cowboys get demolished yesterday? You know, when you root for a team and they win a game really, really easily over a long-time, hated rival, you might think it would be only natural to kinda wish it was a better game. You know, to root for the spirit of the rivalry. Perhaps that makes me unnatural because I revelled in every glorious moment of that game.

The talk among my co-workers at CBS was that it is a soft win because the Cowboys are so depleted. I think this is being a little generous to the Cowboys. How depleted are they? The offense is completly in tact besides Tony Romo. The defense is missing two starters. This is a team that had 12 Pro Bowl-ers last year. The Giants had three injured starters on defense: a defensive end, a cornerback and a linebacker, and the defensive end was the team's only Pro Bowl-er last year. So nearly everyone's preseason NFC favorite, the deepest, most talented team, with all those Pro Bowlers, couldn't move the ball or stop the other team from moving it.

Every team suffers injuries. Not every team rolls over like the Cowboys did Sunday. The last time the Giants beat the Cowboys, T.O. cried afterwards. That was pretty enjoyable as well.

This is why football is great: I have a full week to enjoy this.

A Somewhat Bitter Potpourri

After a typically busy weekend in sports, I can't decide what to write about today, so instead I will simply throw out random thoughts about lots of the stories that have been going on, most of which are still tainted by the fact that the Phillies are in the World Series and not the Mets.

-Chip Caray used to call the Rays' James Shields, "Big-Game James Shields." This would have been a decent nickname for the guy if he had ever pitched in a big game before this week, and it it wasn't already James Worthy's nickname. So I figured that Caray was just calling anyone with the name James, "Big-Game James." And then in Game 7 of the ALCS, he called Rays' pitcher Matt Garza, "Big-Game Matt Garza." I don't even know where to begin with this.

-I am not sure which was my favorite TV sports programming moment of the weekend was, and both are up there for best moment of the year as well: 1) Little-brother-sports network TBS apparently forgot that they were in charge of broadcasting Game 6 of the ALCS. For the first 20 minutes (just long enough to miss B.J. Upton's first-inning homer), they instead were airing a repeat of the Steve Harvey show. I am sure folks in Boston handled this well. 2) The Cowboys sucked so bad on Sunday that Fox was worried that no one wanted to watch it anymore so they switched away from the blowout on their national broadcast. It wasn't just great that it was the Cowboys getting beaten, or beaten by the Rams, or publicly embarrassed, or that the game they switched to was the Giants. The best part is that the game they switched to stunk too, but was still more competitive and watchable than the Cowboys. I am very happy right now. That said, I could watch a 24 hour network of Cowboy losses, so it was a kinda six of one, half a dozen of another for me.

-I watched SNL this week because I thought that Sarah Palin's appearance might be worth it, and I thought, "you know, there are a lot of funny people on there now. Maybe it is coming back." Nope. The opening was another Tina Fey-as-Palin sketch and then Palin walked in and talked to Lorne Michaels' about the impersonation. Not that funny. Then Marky Mark appears (no Funky Bunch) to pile onto a joke from last week. Not funny. Then Alec Baldwin appears! He doesn't recognize Palin and thinks it is Tina Fey and starts bad-mouthing Palin's politics right to her face unintentionally. Not funny. Then I watched a few sketches and wanted to destroy my TV so this could never happen again. Weekend Update was, as usual for the last 33 years, the funniest part of the show, which is now simply an embarrassing obvious form of advertising for whatever crappy movies the hosts are starring in.

-Speaking of movies, Saw V is out this week. There have been four Saws? Has anyone ever seen one of these? Didn't the first one come out last year? Does anyone know what the premise is? And of course, it will be the top box office movie this weekend despite that no one knows anyone who sees it.

-How is it that movies are compared to movies by money generated, not tickets sold? We are all aware that movie tickets cost double what they did 15-years ago so this box-office stat is totally irrelevant, right?

-LaDainian Tomlinson's average fantasy draft pick number was 1.3 on Yahoo. So of the hundreds of thousands of leagues, he was pretty much picked first in 90% of them or more. This means that he is single-handedly ruining the seasons of more fantasy sports players than anyone in the history of fantasy sports. 58-yards per game? Apparently Lorenzo Neal was the Chargers' MVP, because he is gone, LDT stinks and so do the Chargers. Whoops.

-I had Adrian Peterson ranked #1 on my board and I am in first place. My two older brothers picked right behind me in the first round and got Steven Jackson and Brian Westbrook - both good picks. Yet they are both fighting it out for the bottom of the league with my two buddies, neither of whom has checked his team since June.

-This will be a spectacular baseball-fan's World Series but will undoubtedly get the lowest ratings in the history of the Series. Both teams steal bases, hit-and-run, play great defense, have great pitching and big power. Guys like Shane Victorino and Evan Longoria, who seem to absolutely love that they are playing baseball, make it fun to watch even the guys like Pat Burrell, who looks like he just left a lobotomy. You have to wonder how full Tropicana Field will be now that all the Red Sox fans will be gone. Here's a fun stat, which will be higher: Rays stolen bases + homers or Phillies strikeouts?

-I am sure Fox is thrilled that they got this matchup instead of the Dodgers and Red Sox, which would have crushed the best-ratings ever because there is something for non-fans to watch - the potential for Manny Ramirez to hit 20 homers as the Red Sox fans completely turn on his as the series progresses and they forget that he played a bigger role in winning those two World Series than anyone because he made them have to pitch to David Ortiz. I was thinking that it would have been interesting to have the Dodgers and Sox, but would it have? The Dodgers were not a very good team, even with Manny. And the Sox fans are so obnoxious now that they've forgotten what losing was like. They don't deserve more magic for a while.

-I didn't like the numbers on the Cleveland Browns' helmets last week. Maybe it was because they beat up the Giants, but even before it was out of hand, I definitely remember thinking that those are some of the coolest uniforms in football, and part of the reason is that they'd helmets are blank.

-A few weeks ago, I was in the Glendale Galleria on a Saturday afternoon and saw a big group of people with Fresno State shirts on. Fresno State had played UCLA at the Rose Bowl that day. That tells you a lot about Fresno when their fans go to L.A. for a football game and then their postgame activity/sight-seeing is a mall, and not even a cool mall.

-Top 2 Worst Scripted Live TV Sports moment of the year: 1) David Stern handing the NBA championship trophy to the Celtics' owner and using the NBA's "There can be only one" tagline as his speech. At least he got booed loudly. 2) Jim Nance's NCAA Finals call of, "Rock Chalk Championship!" when Kansas won it all. What can that possibly have meant? It doesn't even have a nice ring to it. That's what he stayed up the night before coming up with? I was expected Caray to best both of them with a painful pun on the Rays dropping the "Devil" from their name and becoming good. He failed me.

-No Florida baseball team has ever lost a playoff series.

-Pastors, priests, rabbis, etc. around the country are no doubt working up sermons for next week about what happens to your life when you get rid of the "Devil" thanks to the Rays.

-There was just a fundraiser at the Hollywood Park Casino to raise money for a charity that supports the Hollywood Park Casino. What? Has there ever been a less-worthy cause for charitable donation than a casino?

-Last week, Blake DeWitt came to bat at one point trailing 5-0 with no out and runners on 1st and 2nd. It was at Dodger Stadium and it was a big moment so the crowd was rocking. DeWitt leads the universe in runners left on, so it was not all that surprising when the rookie grounded into a 6-4-3 double play. But it was sad. You had to feel kinda bad for the guy. The crowd was dead, the threat was dead, the series was dead, and he must have felt like it was all his fault. I was watching with my dad, who said, "You almost feel bad for the kid. But he's a Dodger, so screw him." Dad, here's to them finishing their 50th year in L.A. unhappily, and to all prospects for #51 being truly miserable!

-Seriously, the Rays are in the World Series, are probably going to win. Seriously. Tampa Bay. The Devil Rays.

-The photo above has nothing to do with anything today. I just throught it was really funny and somehow that fit this spastic, non-sequitor-filled drivel.

I Still Hate Baseball, But Football Is Making Me Happy

It has been tough to bring myself to writing about sports lately because of my utter disgust at the way the baseball postseason has gone. Not only did the Mets not make it, but the Brewers embarrassed themselves in the Mets' place, and now I have either the Dodgers or Phillies to root for...both of which are among my five least favorite teams in the game. I could also root for the Rays of course, but they are in deep trouble even after winning game 2.

When the final pitch was thrown in Game 1 of the ALCS and the Red Sox had won it on the road in Tampa Bay, I said to a co-worker, "well there's your World Series champ." He told me that it was a little early to say that and the memory of him cursing the Dodgers' season months ago flushed back into my memory. I looked through my sports-notes that I write and found the game.

The Dodgers trailed 2-1 in the 7th inning and were 2-games behind the Diamondbacks at the time. There were 54 games left. I hadn't been watching and asked him the score and he said in all seriousness, "Who cares? They suck. It's all over." This is the voice of reason telling me I am jumping to conclusions about the Red Sox winning the World Series after winning Game 1 of the ALCS on the road.

It is funny watching the playoffs from a relatively neutral observer's position. When Steve Phillips described Brett Myers Game 2 game-winning, 2rbi single as a "Chris Evrett two-hand backhand down the line," I thought to myself how much I would hate him at that moment if I gave a damn about that game.

Sometimes I think that the TV stations are having contests to see who are the least knowledgeable, least well-spoken, most arrogant people they can put on the screen and still get ratings. It is like a social experiment to find out if the sports are really important enough for us to watch despite being angered at their incompetence the entire time. Seriously, how else can you account for Chip Caray, Stu Lantz, Shannon Sharpe and DeMarco Farr's careers?

On the lighter side, the Redskins and Cowboys both lost in painful and embarrassing ways this weekend, and the Eagles narrowly escaped another tough loss. And the Giants are now everyone's favorite team. This does scare me a bit because being the one that no one respected fit their team psyche well and this is a new mode all-together. But this Giants team doesn't seem like the type to have an ego-induced collapse. A huge win over the Browns tonight will make me happy. No one seems to be mentioning it, but the Giants are the team that pretty much destroyed the Browns' season earlier this year.

If you remember, the Browns were one of the up-and-comers last year and actually had more Pro Bowlers than the Giants did. Big things were expected from the great Derek Anderson, the warrior Kellen Winslow, and the talented trio of Brylon Edwards, Donte Stallworth and Jamal Lewis. They were going to score a lot of points and have a bruising, physical defense. Then they went to New York and the Giants surged out to a 30-3 lead early in the second quarter and knocked Anderson out before before pulling their starters. Then the city of Cleveland sunk meekly into Lake Eerie.

Of course, they could be out for revenge and could ruin the Giants 19-0 season tonight back in Cleveland. The Browns are coming off of a bye week and at 1-3, this is pretty much a must-win if they want to play in January at all. But for the Giants, they are two-up in the loss column and have almost already made the playoffs. But I don't see the upset happening. Anderson has thrown twice as many picks and touchdowns and his longest completion of the year was barely a first down. Winslow has just been released from the hospital after an undisclosed illness (that allegedly had to do with one of two reproductive organs and the term "grapefruit sized"). Jamal Lewis has one touchdown and is averaging a little over three yards-per-carry. All of which has culminated in the defense spending more time on the field than Chad Johnson has spent coming up with touchdown celebrations that he doesn't get to use.

Giants 27-Browns 13

NFL Schedules Released, And Other Boring Stories

Tuesday's top stories were the Lakers winning the West, Pacman Jones continuing to be a jackass and the NFL schedule being released (yawn). Needless to say, I was not glued to the set for SportsCenter last night. Although the Sharks' come-from-behind win with 9-seconds to go in Calgary, David's Wright's single-handed demolition of the Nationals and the Ducks coming back to life did make me want to watch a little.

Ordinarily the team that wins a conference gains a gigantic advantage: they play a patsy in the first round and the get home court advantage. This year there is no real patsy, except maybe the Nuggets. The Lakers have wound up facing the Nuggets. In the regular season, the Lakers blew them out twice at Staples and won a close one at McNichols Arena (I know the Nuggets no longer play at McNichols Arena but I have always loved the name and am sticking with it). The Nuggets are the only team that has any a-hole power close to what Kobe Bryant brings to the court, so this series will basically be unwatchable. Kenyon Martin will definitely punch someone, Carmelo Anthony will foul out of at least three games and hide booze in his Gatorade bottles, Kobe Bryant will throw his hands out and make the "I-did-not-rape-that-girl" face no less than 8 times per game, Derek Fisher will win the series for the Lakers but not get noticed. Lakers in six because winning in Denver is tough, but the Nuggets are an implosion waiting to happen and can't beat a crappy 1-seed even if that team actually relies on Sasha Vujacic and Vladimir Radmanovich.

The Dallas Cowboys have apparently decided to abandon their "America's Team" moniker and are going after the "America's Slimiest Team" title instead. Perhaps they finally realized that everyone hates them. As if Jerry Jones existence was not gross enough, they signed Terrell Owens even after the incident at midfield at Texas Stadium. They then let Tony Romo fry for the totally innocent mistake of dropping a snap and losing a playoff game. Then again Romo crumbled down the stretch and got blamed for their losing this year. Then Romo went to Mexico with his girlfriend during the playoff by-week and took entirely too much flack for it...then they lost the following week (I had intended to show Romo was not at fault and gets blamed unfairly, but I think I proved myself wrong). Now they are going to trade half of the team in order to sign Pacman Jones, who isn't even allowed to play in the NFL because he keeps getting arrested.

Don't teams with white helmets all look like Jack's kid running around in those Jack-In-The-Box commercials? I love when the Titans play the Chargers.

The NFL released the schedules for 2008 and I can't remember if ESPN always makes this such a big deal or not - maybe it is just because they air Monday Night Football now. There was a live blog written as the schedules were released on the wires. There were bottom-line updates during programming. There was a whole prime time show dedicated to talking about it with reporters, columnists, coaches and players weighing in. Who cares? We have no clue what any of it means yet. They all say that the Giants' title defense depends on how they do in October based on the schedule. If I am not mistaken, the Super Bowl champion Giants were 0-2 and had been outscored 146 to -5 after the first two games last year. I'd say it is December and January that matters more. What is interesting is that because the AFC East was so incredibly bad last year, the Patriots' strength of schedule is by far the easiest in the NFL, and Jacksonville will play four games in 18 days in December. Actually, now that I think of it, that isn't really all that interesting. News is not news until it happens. The draft is not news because it takes a year or 5 for it all to shake out. The schedules are not news because who cares what your opponents were like last year? This is not an important story until about week 4 this upcoming season.

The Ducks and Sharks put the all-California Western Conference Final back in line yesterday with impressive wins. No Canadian team has won the Cup since Toronto was a fur-trading outpost, and if two California teams play one another for the chance to go to the Stanley Cup and then one of them wins it all for the second year in a row, I honestly think Canada might declare war on the United States.

David Wright was three-for-four with a homer and 5 RBI, and Jose Reyes was a homer shy of the Cycle. If I am not mistaken, the Mets questionable pitching staff has allowed the fewest runs in the league, and the "unreliable" Mike Pelfrey is 2-0 with a 1.50 ERA. Seven players are averaging at least one hit per game. Screw the Phillies.