Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The All-Time Dumbest Athlete Injuries

Fernando Tatis missed the Mets first spring training game Wednesday after reportedly waking up at 3 a.m. with a sore right palm [insert your own jokes here]. This got me thinking of some of the funnier injuries and ailments that have befallen athletes. Here are the best ones I could remember or find online (with a special thank you to Al Gore for the internet):

Richie Sexson (MLB) once missed a spring training game because he injured his neck trying to squeeze on a hat that was too small at photo day.

Jeff Kent (MLB) injured his wrist when he slipped and fell while washing his truck...allegedly. The story goes that this was a cover-story to protect him from violating his contract because he actually got hurt doing tricks on a motorcycle in a parking lot.

Adam Eaton (MLB) once stabbed himself in the stomach with a knife while trying to open a DVD.

Marty Cordova (MLB) was forced to sit out day games after his doctor told him to avoid sunlight because he was so badly burned after falling asleep in a tanning bed.

Ken Griffey Jr.'s (MLB) cup once slipped and pinched one of Junior's juniors.

Plaxico Burress (NFL) shot himself in the leg when his gun slipped from the waistband of his sweatpants.

Shortly after the NBA draft, Derrick Rose needed 10 stitches in his arm after he jumped into bed and onto a knife he'd been using to cut an apple.

Sammy Sosa (MLB) once sneezed so hard that he got back spasms and missed several games.

Joel Zumaya (MLB) missed the World Series because he hurt his arm playing Guitar Hero.

John Smoltz (MLB) burned himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing.

Clint Barmes (MLB) tripped and broke his collarbone climbing the stairs of his apartment, ending his season. Barmes lost his balance because he was apparently carrying a heavy load of deer-meat given to him by teammate Todd Helton.

Glenallen Hill (MLB) missed a game after injuring himself fleeing from spiders that were attacking a dream. He apparently fell out of bed, crashed through a glass table and fell down a flight of stairs. I've also read that he crawled through the broken glass but there were no stairs involved and also that he only cut his foot on the table but did fall down the stairs.

Moises Alou (MLB) tore his ACL when he fell off of a treadmill. Then just when he was set to return to action six months later, he re-injured his knee while running over his son on a bike.

Bill Gramatica (NFL) tore his ACL when landed badly after jumping up in the air to celebrate a first quarter field goal.

Gus Frerotte (NFL) sprained his neck when he headbutted a wall to celebrate a touchdown run.

Jimmie Johnson (NASCAR) broke his wrist when he fell out of a golf cart (I know, I said this is a list of athletes, but I included a race car driver anyway).

Erik Johnson (NHL) apparently tore his ACL and MCL when his foot got caught between the pedals on a golf cart.

Matt Anderson (MLB) tore a muscle in his shoulder while in an octopus-throwing contest.

Steve Sparks (MLB) dislocated his shoulder trying to tear a phone book in half (in related news, they did this on Mythbusters and it isn't that hard - there's a trick).

Vince Coleman (MLB) missed the World Series after getting run over by an automatic tarp-machine.

Terry Harper (MLB) went on the DL after injuring his shoulder waving a runner home.

Kevin Brown (MLB) missed the remainder of a season after punching a wall in the clubhouse tunnel.

Lionel Simmons (NBA) apparently got tendinitis playing Gameboy too much.

Kerry Wood (MLB) was injured getting out of a hot tub.

Jose Cardenal (MLB) couldn't play because his eyelids were stuck.

Mike Remlinger (MLB) injured a finger when his hand got stuck between two recliners.

Wade Boggs (MLB) hurt his back pulling on a pair of cowboy boots.

Brian Griese (NFL) tripped over his dog and hurt his knee...or did he fall over in Terrel Davis' driveway in a drunken stupor?

Rickey Henderson (MLB) fell asleep with ice on his ankle and got frostbite.

Carlos Quentin (MLB) broke his wrist when he punched a baseball bat.

Bret Barberie (MLB) accidentally rubbed chili juice in his eyes and missed a game.

Glenn Healy (NHL) cut his hand changing the bag on his bagpipes.

Chris Hanson (NFL) hit his own leg with an axe in the clubhouse.

While I have long believed that baseball players are the most juvenile of athletes, I have always felt either basketball or football players were the dumbest. Considering the staggering majority of "dumbest injuries" sites are for baseball, perhaps they have the market cornered on stupidity too!

1 comment:

wendy (owner of copeland's canyon) said...

haha.. scott I loved this!

And I don't know if i can put myself in a category with all these pro athletes, but if you want to add 3 more great injury stories from athletes being stupid, I have 3.

1. I was helping take down a speaker from a middleschool dance I was helping sponsor and popper the speaker off the top of the pole falling onto my head. they were like those huge 40 lb speakers. knocking me out, concussion, and straight to the emergency room.

2. After a full day of being on the slopes and being hardcore, I talked all my guy friends and one other girl into playing soccer in the icey parking lot. My girl-friend who sucked at soccer thought it would be funny to run with her arms flailing and just happened to brush a flailing arm across my face and break my nose. On new years ever. another trip to the emergency room.

3. Lastly, I was sitting in a dunking booth at a kids carnival and as a child hit the target I freaked out and grabbed at the cage in front of me as I fell. Long story short, BOdy went down, arm pulled up... tore my rotatoer cuff AND my bicep and shoulder crunching together so fast actually broke my shoulder bone. SOPPING WET, FEELING Retarted, and once again in he ER. couldn't life a hairbrush for a month.