Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The World's Commissioner Of Sports, Vol. I

In March while I was still writing for CBS2.com, my final post was called, "The World's Commissioner of Sports." With my "How to Improve the Olympics" edition coming this week, I thought now is a good time to revisit this. The following is that post with a few changes.

"Today is my last day writing for CBS, so I thought I would give a list of some of the many things I would do if I were named World Commissioner of Sport.

-Each Major League Baseball team gets three video-appeals on ball/strike calls per game, plus one every three extra-innings. They can use the same triangulation technique that is used in tennis, with the results shown instantly on the jumbotron.
-All close home runs and foul balls are reviewed using special cameras that the league will provide and run. Reviews are made following the same rules as the NFL. The umps make the call and the video must show that the umps are clearly wrong in order for a call to be changed.
-Institute a homerun trot clock. If he doesn't make it in time, it is a ground-rule double.
-Shorten and enforce the pitcher's clock, and put it on the scoreboard somewhere.
-Allow immediate group celebrations in the NFL, but don't televise them.
-Any player who holds out while under contract is automatically ineligible for a raise in next contract (all sports).
-Any player that I determine tanked in order to force a trade will be suspended for one year (all sports).
-A single positive performance enhancing drug violation will result in a two-year ban (all sports)
-The New England Patriots forfeit their season-opening win over the New York Jets for cheating.
-If a league finds a positive test for an illegal substance, it must hand the evidence over to the police for prosecution.
-All athletes who make more than $1,000,000 must give at least 5% of their after-tax salary to charity.
-College athletes will not be paid or compensated in any way besides academic scholarships, housing, equipment, on-campus meal plans, and priority class registration.
-The Division IA college football champion will be determined the same way that the champion of every other level of college football determines its champion – tournament. In this case, a 16-team tournament of the top 16-ranked teams at the end of the season.
-The NCAA men's basketball tournament will be comprised of 64 teams.
-Major League Baseball umpires will have access to instant replay for homeruns, foul balls and catches.
-Television timeouts are hereby banned. If the teams don't want timeouts, they should not have to take them.
-Volleyball must use the side-out rule, not rally scoring.
-NBA officials will enforce the no-complaining rule, as well as traveling and carrying-over.
-Dunks are worth 1 point.
-Public colleges and universities may only give scholarships to American citizens, unless voters in that state vote to allow it.
-All athletics venues must offer a hamburger/hot dog, soda and desert combo for no more than minimum wage.
-All venues must allow tailgating in their parking lots.
-Car racing, poker and fishing may not be called sports.
-No one can be disciplined for missing work the day after the Super Bowl.
-The football national championship game will be played on January 1.
-Announcers who repeatedly use improper grammar will be fired.
-More swimsuit editions

No comments: