Monday, August 18, 2008

Jeff Kent's Career Recovering After The Former Slugger Again Tries To Kill It

Over the weekend, Los Angeles Dodger, and likely Hall of Famer, Jeff Kent's career was tragically crushed and suffocated under the considerable weight of his enormous ego. It is now heavily sedated but likely sustained fatal injuries in the apparent career-suicide attempt.

The health of Kent's career had been suffering over the last few seasons, and signs had recently pointed to a possible remission in his cancerous personality, but alas his recent success behind the plate appears now only to have been the death rattle. The end of Kent's career may finally have come Sunday when he harshly criticized venerable Dodgers announcer Vin Scully for saying that Kent's hot hitting (.410 average) over the past 16 games was the result of hitting in front of Manny Ramirez instead of James Loney. Kent, a free agent at the end of the season, insisted that he had always been a great hitter and that Ramirez' .424 average with the Dodgers is the result of hitting behind Kent.

While Kent's career has not officially been ruled dead by league officials, there is no question that his services as a former-power hitter, with little defensive range and world-famous clubhouse cancer and poor off-the-field decision-maker, will no longer be needed by the Dodgers following his vitriolic verbal assault upon easily the most well respected and possibly most beloved voice in Sports over the past 50 years.

Always humble and eloquent, Scully had no response to Kent's claim that, "Vin Scully talks too much," but one must assume that he is confused by Kent's bizarre apparent insult seeing as Scully's job is to talk. One can assume that Kent meant that Scully "talks too much trash," but one cannot imagine what the hell Kent would be talking about in that case.

There was also no word from Kent's people (he must have people because he makes a lot of money) on whether he is aware that he was hitting .255 at the time of Ramirez' arrival in Los Angeles, and had nearly doubled that average in the games since (now .279 on the season).

Since it is a near certainty that Kent will not be back in Los Angeles now, and since a vast majority of General Managers do not have Manny Ramirez or Barry Bonds on their teams, he will enter the off-season pedaling a .255 pre-Manny contract year batting average. He is also on pace for 14 home runs and 71 RBI. While those numbers are decent for Kaz Matsui, Kent will likely not be willing to play for Kaz Matsui-money, thus dealing what might become the final blow to his career.

Kent will go down as that rarest of star athletes: a Hall of Famer with the fans of no team he ever played for having thought kindly of him, nor missing him when he left, only ever being truly loved by the general public for being slightly less of a bastard than then-teammate and sparring partner, Bonds.

Jeff Kent, the 2000 National League MVP and 2005 Sliver Slugger, will likely finish with over 2500 hits, close to 400 home runs, a batting average just shy of .300, and one fantastic motorcycle accident when his career finally, officially dies.

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