The Britt List (9/22/09)

My friend Jim asked me last week, "Isn't it about time you write a blog about the latest antics of spoiled sports figures." And he carries a gun to work every day, so Jim gets what Jim wants (Go Seahawks, by the way).

I should probably find some sort of common thread that I could use to string all of these stories and non sequitors together into some sort of cohesive commentary. But that's much harder and I am not getting paid for this. Plus it's been a while since I've really written much and the "notes" section of my phone is getting really long and really need to just empty it out, so here goes...

1. How can I start a list of spoiled sports figures anywhere other than with Serena Williams? Two week ago she got smoked by eventual U.S. Open champion Kim Clijsters for 1 set, 5 games, and 2 points. Then two points from the end, she was called for a foot fault on her serve (that is, she stepped on the line while serving...probably a bad call). The penalty for this is the loss of that point. So that makes it match point.

But that little mistake isn't why she heads up this list. No, her out-of-control, profanity-laden, physical-harm-threatening breakdown that got her a 1-point penalty, which cost her the match because it was match point, is what got her on this list. It was definitely one of the most great freak-out's I've ever seen in sports, not up there with George Brett or the minor league baseball manager who pretended to be in a foxhole and toss a grenade of course, but it's impressive. It starts at about :46 in this video and peaks at about 5:20.

Serena later tried to be her normal disingenuously adorable self and said that it's just because she's so passionate and competitive and it got the better of her this time. That explains it; other athletes who get hosed on calls are just not competitive and that's why they act with grace and decorum. I've often felt that Serena Williams (and to a slightly lesser extent, Venus Williams) has been protected by the sports media with the same umbrella that they used to protect Roger Clemens for such a long time. "He's a fiery competitor." Or, "It's her intensity that makes her a champion." No, he was a 'roid raging egomaniac and she is a spoiled bully. I'd like to think that the press has finally turned on her and decided to finally write her off as the poor-sport that she is, but I think Kanye West might have distracted everyone too much with his blowup last week. (Seriously, is the jury still out on Kanye? So the guy sings a song every now and then about praying, and he cried on Leno, that doesn't mean he isn't just a huge asshole.) (And as a second side note, why is the adjectival form of "fire"not "firey?" I mean why suddenly move the "e" inside the "r"?)

2. Robert Henson of the Washington Redskins wrote the following on his Twitter page after some home fans booed the 'Skins in a home loss on Sunday: "All you fake half hearted Skins fans can...I won't go there but I dislike you very strongly, don't come to Fed Ex to boo dim wits!...The question is who are you to say you know what's best for the team and you work 9 to 5 at McDonalds."

There is no way I can write anything here that remotely compares to the sentiment and emotion expressed by Mike Greenberg of ESPN, so I won't bother. And there is nothing to add to Greeny's rant, so I won't. Except this: is it possible that this is all a grammatical misunderstanding? I mean, look at what he wrote: "Don't come to Fed Ex to boo dim wits!" Isn't Henson saying that he and the other players and coaches are "dim wits" and telling fans not to come and boo them? Yeah, probably not. He's just too dim witted to know what the comma is for.

3. Phillip Rivers seems like the perfect example of a kid who was always a really good athlete, so he just never really got put in his place on the field and was never disciplined by his parents, teachers, or coaches. Once again last week he took a penalty for taunting - he leaned over and yelled in the face of an opposing player who had fallen down next to Rivers. The problem is, he is still a really good athlete and won't be getting put in his place any time soon. And he's clearly too immature and/or stupid to realize that he'll never win a Super Bowl with this kind of leadership style, talent be damned.

4. It took Terrell Owens exactly one game to throw his new quarterback under the bus, saying that Trent Edwards showed poor judgement and missed plays where Owens was open. I know, I'm shocked too.

5. Jacksonville Jaguars owner Wayne Weaver came out after the team's Week 1 loss and said that he was hoping to draft Tim Tebow for next season. Tebow is the reigning Heisman Trophy winner and BCS Champion quarterback from Florida, which is in Jacksonville and is far more popular than the Jags. That's good. Way to piss on the millions of dollars spent by fans on tickets and TV packages for this season, let alone on your current players, by already writing the season off within hours of its start. But hey, the good news is that they're gonna get totally hosed if they don't get the #1 draft pick because if they want to move up to get Tebow, the price just went way up when Weaver tipped his hand 8 months before the draft. Whoops.

6. The Cowboys apparently sold something like 30,000 standing-room only tickets (called "Party Passes") to their opening night game against the Giants on Sunday (the Giants won because Tony Romo sucks). The goal was to set the record for the largest regular season crowd in football history, which they did (105,121). Sadly most of those folks who shelled out $29 to stand on a huge balcony facing but far away from the field couldn't actually see the field at all, and some were not allowed into the stadium. It nearly caused a riot and the extra fans couldn't help lift the Cowboys to a win anyway, but the only part of this paragraph that Jerry Jones is probably capable of comprehending is, "Cowboys...set the record for the largest regular season crowd in football history...face...lift...Jerry Jones."

7. Flozell Adams is a very, very fat former great NFL offensive lineman who now just resorts to cheating in order to stop players from exposing the staggeringly large weaknesses in his game. He has led the league in penalties in each of the past 3 seasons. This week the Giants' Justin Tuck apparently told him there was a gigantic plate of ribs over his left shoulder and when Adams went left to look, Tuck bolted the other way to go sack Tony Romo. Adams became angry that there weren't actually any ribs and rather than shift into position and block Tuck, he instead illegally stuck his hippopotamus-sized leg out and tripped him, causing Tuck to fall awkwardly, injure his shoulder and miss the rest of the game. Adams later blamed Tuck saying, "Tell him to stay up." Adams then leaned back over and continued eating from his trough.

8. We always hear what a genius Pete Carroll is, so it must be true. So when he disgracefully shunned his golden boy, Mark Sanchez, last spring when Sanchez chose to enter the NFL, some wondered why Carroll the Genius did it. Why go on record on the biggest day of Sanchez' career, a celebratory day marking his graduation from USC football, not just USC academics, and say the kid isn't ready for the NFL and he has stats that show that Sanchez will fail? Granted, it's only two games into his pro career, but Sanchez seems to pretty pretty damned ready for the NFL. I guess Carroll was wrong on that one.

Once Matt Barkley got the USC starting quarterback job, every time you heard Carroll talk about him you got a kinda creepy, borderline-inappropriate, "I want to carry his babies"-kind of feeling. Though you know Carroll is faking it since he had already named Aaron Corp his starter until Corp got hurt in preseason workouts. And having seen Corp play last weekend in Washington, we now see that Corp getting hurt and forcing Carroll to start Barkley was the best coaching move he'll make this year.

You might wonder why Carroll was singing the praises of Barkley so loudly, besides that the kid is pretty good. But you have to remember that this is Division I-A college football. The title game participants are chosen as much through the politics in the press room as they are through play on the field. USC couldn't afford to start the season ranked in the teens because that makes one-loss a season-ender. So Carroll had to convince voters in that first poll that Barkley is the best quarterback that had ever come through his program so they'd keep USC from tumbling out of the preseason top 5. Now they've lost a game and dropped to 12th, but can still climb back into the conversation. Had they started at 12th and lost, dropping to 20th or below, the season would be over. Maybe he is a genius.

The good news for USC fans is that we've already seen that they don't need to win, let alone play in, the BCS Championship Game to call themselves National Champions at USC. So the polliticking is all kind of a waste anyway, I guess.

9. This one isn't directly at any particular stupid/spoiled sports figure, but rather all the national reporters covering the Giants. Why is everyone so shocked at the skills and performance of Steve Smith? He came from a major college program (USC) where he was a star. He was a high draft pick (2nd round). He led the team in receptions last season (his first as a regular player, though he was still considered the third receiver). And as if all of that wasn't enough to gain him the notoriety he deserves, as a rookie Smith made the most skilled reception and play on that Super Bowl winning drive, saving the Giants' hopes. He is the victim of circumstance, it seems. No one remembers his play on the big drive because it was sandwiched between David Tyree's helmet catch and Plaxico Burress' touchdown. No one recognizes his name because when he came into the league, there already was a star-receiver named Steve Smith. No one remembers his 2008 success because it was overshadowed by the Burress-gun debacle. But it doesn't seem to bother Smith or Mario Manningham or any of the Giants' other younger receivers that they are considered the team's weakness. It just makes it easier to embarrass seemingly unsuspecting and overconfident secondaries (we're looking at you Terrence Newman, Orlando Scandrick, Keith Hamlin, Mike Jenkins...).

10. Who do I pick for the last one?

-LeGarrette Blount of Oregon for kissing his senior season (and draft status) goodbye when he punched a Boise State player and attacked BSU fans after their season opening loss.

-Whoever at Boise State thinks it is a good idea to have a blue field and blue uniforms that make their players invisible on TV, thus making their games unwatchable.

-Whoever at ESPN still think Lou Holtz should be a commentator? I mean he's knowledgeable, and you just wanna cuddle in his lap (with an umbrella) and hear stories about the olden days, but you can't understand a shingle thing that comesh out of hish mouth.

-Kick returners who call fair catches at the 5 yard-line or take kicks out from 8-yards deep in the endzone?

-Whoever at Yahoo! Fantasy Sports ranked LaDainian Tomlinson as highly as he did causing me to get a completely wasted first round draft pick because we've known for two years that LDT was toast?

-Whoever started calling Tomlinson, "LT," despite that there was already a better player in the same sport with the same nickname and you just don't do that?

-Whoever at ABC wrote the stat-list for Pete Carroll for Saturday's game that said he was a two-time National Champion with USC even though the team has only won the National Championship game once in his tenure. Either we have two polls, and its the same split-champion situation that the BCS was created to avoid, or not. But we can't have both. If only there was such a thing as an event where various teams met and played against one another in elimination games to determine the last team standing.

-Milton Bradley who is getting run out of yet-another baseball town after being suspended for the remainder of the season by the Cubs for being a surly prick all the time. If your playing the Milton Bradley home edition, the winning cards this season were: Bump an Ump: Get suspended two game, Throw a Ball Into the Stands With Only Two Outs: Move two baserunners up two bases each, Freak Out After a Flyout, Again: Get sent home during the game, and later get in a fight with the manager in the clubhouse, Say You Hate Coming to Wrigley Field Because The Fans Are Racist: Turn your last remaining supporters against you, and finally for a bonus... Rip the Fans and Local Media For Expecting You To Play Well for the $10,000,000 They're Paying You: Get suspended for the season.

-Bud Selig for lowering the four-game suspensions of Jorge Posada and Jesse Carlson to three-games after the two agreed not to appeal the suspension. So what are we saying here, that they always deserved a three-game suspension but you were gonna make it four for no good reason? Or that saying "I won't appeal," is just as effective as actually appealing?

Or maybe all of them will just tie for 10th. Yeah, that'll work.

Andy Roddick Learns That Nobody's Perfect

Last year's Roger Federer-Rafael Nadal Wimbledon final is talked about as being the greatest tennis match of all time - at least perhaps the greatest Grand Slam final. It is one of those events where people can tell you where they were when it was happening. I was packing up in a hotel room waiting to check out. I called the front desk twice to push back my check out time because the rain-delayed match seemingly would not end, as momentum swung back and forth between the two giants until Nadal finally wore Federer down in extra games in the fifth set (9-7).

But this year's final between Andy Roddick and Federer was completely different, and entirely better. After Roddick suddenly transformed himself into a shot-maker just in time to ruin the Andy Murray-party in England, he then nearly ruined Federer's coronation on Sunday as well. Where last year's match was a competition to find out which seemingly crucial error would eventually cost one man or the other, this year's match a competition to see who would finally make a mistake. And the first time Roddick did he lost.

It was the most perfectly played tennis I have ever seen. Once they reached the do-or-die point at 6-6 in the fifth set, each man just stopped missing (not that they had done much of it all day anyway). Neither even really looked tired through it all. And at 8-8, when Roddick had two break points against Federer's serve, and it finally looked as though one of the two had finally blinked, Federer simply starting hitting every serve so perfectly that Roddick hardly even flinched at most of them from then on. He had 50 aces in the match and it seemed half of them were in the fifth set.

From that point, 8-8 in the fifth, they then played an entire extra set toe-to-toe, with each man out-doing the other on his serve until finally at 15-14, Roddick was finally broken. For the first time all day. In sports, we throw the term "heart-breaker" around a lot, but that term should be retired after this one. You always feel for the loser in a final (unless you just don't like them of course), but this was somehow different than normal. The fact that Roddick had to take home the second-place trophy was somehow like an insult in this case. That a player who makes one mistake all day doesn't get to be called champion is just cruel.

Before this tournament, when Nadal dropped out, there was some talk that this would be an all-too-easy run for the all-time Grand Slam winner title for Federer. Novak Djokovic can't seem to get over the hump. Roddick didn't have the game to rival Federer. Perhaps Murray could ride the home-town fans to a miracle win. But it was always Federer's to win just like the French Open was last month once Nadal went out. And in the end Federer did win, but Roddick made sure that he had earned it and made sure that for his 15th Grand Slam title, perhaps we finally got to see a genuinely joyful celebration from the coolest killer in the game.

***

And through over five hours of tennis, through 77 games played, not a single screech was heard on a single shot (even the ones at 130 mile-an-hour or faster). But when the match ended and NBC aired the taped-delayed women's doubles final, they made up for all those hundreds (thousands?) of silent, powerful shots with a constant stream of cacophonous screeching and screaming (even on flat-footed volleys). And of course it was on tape, because this was NBC-Wimbledon coverage, after all.

Mr. Decker vs. Cptn. Fist Pump Live In Japanese

After doing a little searching, I found a website that streams live sports from all over the world and watched the fantastic Roddick-Murray match live (on some Japanese site), listening to the British internet-radio call on ESPN.com, but I was shocked this morning to find out that the Wimbledon men's semifinals did not air live in the U.S. Even with an American playing, and the match only starting around 7:45 a.m. Pacific time, they still tape delayed it on NBC till noon. Thank God for the internet.

I won't spoil the match yet in case someone reads this before the match airs (as though anyone is reading it anyway), but Captain Fist Pump lived up to his nickname. The two big trends in tennis over the last few years have been these awkward, tight-to-the-chest fist pumps that seemingly every woman and Andy Murray do on every single point won, and of course the Seles-screams on almost every woman's shot.

If Andy Roddick can serve the ball at 140 miles per hour without screeching, I think Maria Sharapova can figure out a way to hit a volley without it as well. This screeching brings up the obvious question: what is the most annoying sound in sports - tennis screeches or the steady two-hour droning, swarm-of-bees sound at soccer games? Or a Yankees fan?

I was certainly biased towards Roddick in this match because he is American and given that 233 years ago they were starting to sign the Declaration of Independence, in my eyes Murray may as well have been wearing a red jacket and standing at the baseline with a musket, but it seems to me that Roddick winning is just good for the world because if he's playing then there will be more shots of Brooklyn Decker in the stands on Sunday. And any shots of Brooklyn Decker are just good for humanity.

I was impressed with the improvement in Elena Dementieva's serve in this Wimbledon, but I think her improvement there may pale in comparison to the overall improvement of Roddick's game. Previously Dementieva's second serve was perhaps the most glaring hole in a crucial element of any game by any truly elite athlete in the world. And Roddick was basically just an ace-or-nothing type player. But both of them have completely transformed their weaknesses and become much better overall players.

May Is When Summer Blockbuster Season Starts

In the entertainment world, May is huge.

In TV there are the May sweeps, which is basically the period when networks put on their sexiest programming to try and steal extra ratings points. May is also the end of "pilot season," when new shows are being finished up that will be the big fall premiers (and then get cancelled within three shows).

In the movies, of course May is the start of the big summer blockbuster season. They kicked it off last Friday with X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which is the epitome of a summer movie: huge budget, huge star(s), huge action, part of a series (whenever possible), with an open ending in case it does well, so then can make more. They aren't looking for best picture Oscars this time of year, just ticket sales. Wolverine was a really fun movie even if they completely missed the boat on a better explanation for why he he had lost his memory prior to X-Men, and on the post-credits cliffhanger (I won't mention either till next week to avoid the spoiler). Next up is Star Trek and I don't know about you, but I am going on opening night (tonight) in a Darth Vader costume to make the nerds' heads explode. Seriously though, Star Trek + J.J Abrams = me happy.

Sports, which is merging more and more into the WWF world of sports-entertainment it seems, also hits its stride in May and then gallops through the summer at a torrid pace.

NBA Playoffs - The NBA playoffs actually begin in April and don't end until 2011, but no one really cares about the first round unless a series goes seven games anyway. Coincidentally, the second round starts and the seventh games of the first round series are all in May. The stink of games being fixed is still all over the NBA, with Monday's Rockets win over the Lakers being no exception, but fans don't seem to care. There is so much personality and so much intimacy in the league because there are fewer players on the field/court than any of the other major sports, and there is no hat or helmet to hide them. It is a stage and so many of these guys are performers, besides being athletes. I am losing interest more and more every year though. Maybe its the ubiquitous tattoos, or the thug personae, or the fact that the playoffs take 3 months, or the fact that my team is never playing, or the fact that games are fixed and the refs will not allow the Lakers to miss the NBA Finals this year, or the fact that the first 44 minutes of every game are generally irrelevant.

I have decided though, that I will root for Orlando. For two years I have held it against Dwight Howard that all he does is dunk (leads the league every year) and that he won the dunk contest on that famous Superman dunk, but it was a layup and shouldn't have counted. But after his Game 1 win in Boston, he gave the perfect interview: he said all the right things, stayed humble, said he was upset that they didn't play better, etc. He made his serious face for two straight minutes, but he couldn't hold back his goofiness. Right at the end, he broke character and said with a child's smile, "But I did come up with my wrestling name tonight...'Black Magic.'" He doesn't strut and pose and make "I'm angry" faces like Kobe Bryant. He doesn't taunt and showboat like LeBron James. He's just a happy guy who happens to be perhaps the best player in the world.

NHL Playoffs - A day after a triple overtime thriller in which an 8-seed (who just knocked off the team with the league's best record) beat a 2-seed on the road to even the series, the league's two best players faced off and each threw in a hat trick, sending their game down to the wire. The NHL playoffs are clearly the best postseason in sports and they come to shine in May. The regular season is all-but forgotten though and you wonder if they might be better off just playing a 20-game regular season, then a World Cup-style round robin tournament that would lead to the Stanley Cup playoffs starting the day after the NCAA Tournament ends, and finishes right at the start of the NBA Playoffs.

Horse Racing - Yes, people pay attention to horse racing in May. The Kentucky Derby, which is always the first Saturday in Many, is the official summer-sports kickoff. And in years when the favorite wins the Derby, the sport truly shines. It may be the only sport where an upset means certain doom for event organizers. How pissed are the people at the Belmont that the Derby winner was a 50:1 shot that wasn't even scheduled to race in the Preakness because it was silly to put him in a race of that length. Goodbye Triple Crown for 2009.

Tennis - The men's Grand Slams have been pretty spectacular in the last few years, as we watched Rafael Nadal scratch and claw his way up onto the pedestal with Roger Federer (and possibly push Federer off?). Their rivalry has grown into historical proportions in the sport and with a lot of young talent nipping at their heals, men's tennis seems to be hitting a renaissance. Women's tennis has a ton of stars but no one to really carry the crown right now, which makes for interesting Grand Slams because unless the Williams Brothers, I mean Sisters, decide to dominate everyone, it is anyone's game.

Golf - Alright, maybe the Masters is the official kick-off of the summer sports season, but it is in April and that is clearly Spring and doesn't help my premise here, so I ignored it. With Tiger Woods back, and back at a high level, the question of whether you would bet on him or the field is back in play, and that makes for exciting golf...OK, it makes for watchable golf, but still only on Sundays at the Majors.

Baseball - It isn't the postseason, but May is the time when pretenders start to be sifted out and we get a truer sense of who are the real deals for the fall. The Padres had a fantastic start, but have lost 6-in-a-row as May rolled in and are out of the race. Florida once had the longest winning streak and largest lead in the game, but are now just .5 game up on the field and falling. Contenders are showing their faces, and don't tell them that games in May don't matter (especially Rick Ankiel's face, which is still indented into the outfield fence from last night). The Dodgers and Cardinals are on fire, the Phillies, Mets, Red Sox and Angels are waking up, and we even have some surprises that are making bids to be the next upstarts to go the distance (are K.C., Toronto, and Seattle really still leading in the A.L.?).

NFL - Despite being months away from the actual season, the NFL makes news year round. Be it the new draftees coming to camp and fighting for spots, or the commissioner (who I am liking less and less despite his hard stance on discipline) taking a bid from London for the Super Bowl, which he previously said the league would look into, and that they had no interest in. Or the debate over the Commish suggesting we throw quality of play, competitive value, player health, and the entire record book out the window to cash in on two extra regular season games.

Cycling - With the sport's crowning event (but contrary to popular belief, not their only event), the Tour de France still two months away, Cycling is still pretty much off of the everyday sports-fan's radar, but with Lance Armstrong back in the field this year, and multiple Americans being presumptive favorites, news from the grand tours of Europe will make it onto Sports Center this year and the sport's profile will be higher than ever in America (just look at how huge the Tour of California was!). Incidentally, why don't we translate the "de" in "Tour de France?"

Other sports, like soccer and car racing probably have big events right now and certainly must in the summer, but since I don't care about soccer unless I know the players personally or it is the U.S. National Team, and car racing isn't a sport, I won't bother looking into those.

Novak Djokovic Proves It Takes A Real Man To Whine Like A Little Girl

It is possible that when Novak Djokovic quit against Andy Roddick earlier in the week, it was the most courageous act of the young 2009 sports year.

Djokovic has a bit of history with retiring early from matches, at least 4 times in Grand Slams. He actually has the highest percentage of retirements to career losses among the top 10- nearly 10% of the time he loses because he quits. Perhaps he retired each time because of injury. Or perhaps he retired because he was losing.

He also has a history of calling the trainer out to get treatment during matches, something other players have expressed annoyance with. There is nothing illegal or unsportsmanlike about getting treatment, but it just seems like he happens to need it far more often than most guys.

So last year during the U.S. Open, Roddick came out and called Djokovic on all of this and said that Djokovic "is either quick to call the trainer, or he's the most courageous guy of all time," joking with the press that it could be any number of ailments, from shoulder, knee, ankle and back injuries, to SARS, anthrax or a commong cold. This after Djokovic said in an on-court, post match interview ealier in the tournament that he needed to stand next to the next so he wouldn't fall down. When Djokovic later beat Roddick in that tournament, he spoke live on the air and over the stadium P.A. and whined that Roddick had said those mean things and said that crushing Roddick as he had just done proves he didn't have those fake injuries. He was soundly booed by the New York crowd and ripped by the general media.

The irony of course, is that by playing "hurt" in one match and then playing brilliantly with no sign of injury the next match (like he had done here), it kinda proves that he was faking, right?

Then before this latest Grand Slam, Djokovic bristled at the (truly absurd) idea that Brit Andy Murray belonged on tennis' current Mount Rushmore alongside Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal and Djokovic. Let's be honest, Djokovic doesn't even belong there, and Murray sure as hell doesn't...the guy hasn't won anything yet. Murray has been in one Grand Slam final and he got crushed in straight sets. All of this is fine for me to say because I am not one of his opponents, and no one is reading this anyway.

But Djokovic couldn't resist and came out before the Australian Open and whined how offended he was that Murray was being called a favorite alongside himself, Federer and Nadal. Of course, Djokovic has won one Grand Slam (against a patsy in the final when Nadal and Federer had both been upset earlier) and his only other Grand Slam final looked a lot like Murray's: a straight-set crushing by Federer.

Anyway, after all of this, you would never think that Djokovic would ever have the guts to fake injury, ask for extra treatment, or certainly not retire early against Roddick again! And not in a Grand Slam where the true champions show their mettle!

This week Djokovic and Roddick faced each other in a Grand Slam for the first time since that U.S. Open match and the conditions were brutal. By the end of the match, the on-court thermometer showed about 136 degrees Fahrenheit (the air was actually about 95).

Djokovic came out well early and won the first set. Roddick took an early lead in the second and almost instantly Djokovic looked like the walking dead. I understand that it was hot, but it was hot on Roddick's side of the court as well. And it was hot on every other player who had been playing that day and that week. And these are supposed to be some of the finest athletes in the world!

So Roddick jumped all over Djokovic, winning the next two sets, with the Serb dragging himself around the court like he'd been shot for most of the time. He had a few extended breaks with the trainers coming out and putting ice on his neck and stretching his legs and shoulder. Roddick even drove the "you're a whiny girl" point home by standing in the sun, running place and keeping loose during one of Djokovic's "injury breaks." Then finally when the match was about to get out of hand, Roddick up 2-1 in the fourth and 2 sets to 1, Djokovic summoned all the courage he had in himself and disregarded that what he would do in the next 30 seconds would characterize himself for his entire career: he quit.

Federer, who is about as prone to smack talk as the Pope said after the match, "Well you know, it's not the guy who's never given up before...he gave up against me in Monaco last year because of a sore throat." After that sore throat match, Djokovic said in an on-court interview that he felt a little dizzy too. He said that he'd been checked by a doctor the day before and cleared, but that he thought the doctor's diagnosis was wrong, "obviously." He was booed off the court.

Federer went on to say, "If Novak were up two sets to love I don't think he would have retired 4-0 down in the fourth."

So the book is closed on this one. He may go on to one of the great champions of all time (once Federer and Nadal retire), or he may succumb to all these unnamed maladies. But either way, Novak Djokovic will very likely go down as one of the biggest whiners and quitters the sports has ever seen.

Stay tuned (in the middle of the night) Saturday for what is bound to be an epic final between two acutal champions, Nadal and Federer.

How Often Is There A Sports-Related Event Worthy Of Saying "Low And Behold"?

I got to watch my alma mater play hoops tonight for the first time since their second round NCAA tourney game last March. They were hosting St. Mary's, a conference opponent who is currently ranked #27 (AP). Typically teams will get up for a rival who is highly ranked, especially at home, so I was pretty excited about the game.

The game was set to come on a 6 Pacific time, and when I tuned in around quarter to six, the Purdue at Minnesota game still had about 10 minutes to go, so I knew I'd miss the start of the USD game. This was a little frustrating at first, but I did get a nice piece of information that I will store away for this upcoming March, and I will pass it along to you fine folks now (both of you):

Purdue is ranked 18, and Minnesota is ranked 21, and they play in the Big 10, so their chances of both making the NCAA tournament are very good, and they'll likely get good seeds. If you have any inkling that their first round opponents are potential Cinderellas, or if they happen to get a crappy seed and play a good team in the first round, do not hesitate to pick Purdue and Minnesota to both lose in the first round. The only way I will pick these teams to win a game is if I learn that their opponents have three or four guys get hurt. Or if they play Gonzaga, because I have a long-standing personal rule that I do not pick Gonzaga to win any games in the Tournament, and generally speaking, it serves me well.

(I think I need to formulate the Rules of Picking the Tourney.)

Anyway, as that painfully slow game withered to a merciful end, they starting running the USD-SMC score in the upper corner.

"Hey, USD is up 2-0...oh, make that 2-2...down 4-2...6-2...13-2. Ouch."

By the time ESPN2 switched over from Brent Musberger's miserable ass-kissing call of the Purdue-Minnesota game, the USD was already over. But then I remembered that St. Mary's had led USD by 17 in the second half of their conference semifinal game last year and USD came back to win in double-OT. Not tonight. But at least USD had the courtesy to play quickly, lose quickly, and allow ESPN2 to get to their next scheduled program a little early!

By the way, if you are looking for a small team to make some noise in the Tourney, St. Mary's is a very good option. They have a spectacular point guard (guard play+NCAA tourney=win), good shooters, some decent big men, 5 Australians (I don't know if it helps, but that is kinda cool) and they play serious defense. They won't be under the radar since they're already creeping into the rankings and have the nation's longest winning streak going, but everyone east of California will not trust this little band of Aussies.

They are impossible to root for however. Last week they beat a conference opponent by 50. No problem there; you should beat conference foes when they're down. The problem I have with it is that they fired up 31 3-pointers in the game. Classy coach.

One final thought on the Purdue-Minnesota game before moving on: we are all clear that the Big 10 Conference has eleven teams in it and that as creatively as they may hide that fact in their logo, that still doesn't make sense, right? OK. Moving on...

Speaking of Aussies and ESPN2's evening program, the next thing on the agenda was the Djokovic-Delic match. It ended up being a very nicely played, evenly matched four-setter between the #3 ranked returning champ and the little known American. The announcers made the point several times how these two were friends and how good the sportsmanship was throughout. When the match ended, they greeted each other genuinely and both thanked the boisterous crowd warmly.

The reason that all those warm feelings are worth remarking about (besides that they are just rare in sports) is that Djokovic is Serbian and Delic is a Bosnian-born American. I'm not sure how much you've been paying attention to the news for the past...oh...500 years, but the Bosnians and Serbs don't generally hug and and get warm reactions from crowds of people from the other place. I wasn't going to write about this because I couldn't really figure out a point I wanted to make that didn't get all socio-political and/or cheesy.

So I started writing about the USD hoops game when what on my TV should appear but a good old fashioned, Geraldo-style chair throwing brawl in a courtyard at the Australian Open. Apparently the warm fuzzies between the Serbian Dojokovic fans and Bosnian Delic fans only lasted until they got outside the stadium. Then a Serb threw a chair at a Bosnian woman who had just finished being interviewed by ESPN2 and the kangaroo shit hit the fan. I still wasn't sure what to write about because now I couldn't figure out a point I wanted to make that still didn't get all socio-political and/or judgemental.

So I went back to writing and ESPN2 came to my rescue again providing me with a nice, neat ending to this story. They went back out to the courtyard and showed some cops hauling the thugs away who had been throwing metal chairs in a crowd including women and children and low and behold: Australian cops wear Crocodile-freaking-Dundee hats! They're like Canadian Mounties but not gay. I am 100% sure that if they had widened the shot, we would have seen that they also wore just board shorts and sandals and carry boomerangs and machetes instead of guns and mace like our sissy cops here.

Add this to the growing list of reasons why Australia is awesome (#1 of course being how much hotter the accent makes the women).

The Greatest Upset In Sports History?

Working on the Tennis Channel's Wimbledon Primetime show, I have not had too many chances to watch any sports, let alone write about them (besides tennis), so it has been a quiet week on this site. But for anyone who has checked in to see if there were updates, at least you got to see a picture of Marisa Miller on the top of the page each time.

Last weekend Turkey beat Croatia in one of the more excruciating endings I have seen in a long time, and this game highlights many of the reasons that soccer is the stupidest sport on the planet. Croatia led 1-0 in this European Championship Soccer Tourney and in gave up a slop goal with no time left on the clock...or in overtime. You see, the clock in soccer is really only a suggestion. They play 90 minutes and the freaking clock counts up, and the goal was scored at about 90:30 or so. The game was later won in penalty kicks.

Let us count the ways in which soccer is stupid: While it provides some spectacular highlights each game, these account for approximately 5-15 seconds of the game. The other 89 minutes and 55 seconds are painfully dreary, uneventful, and annoying, full of flopping and whining and even the goal celebrations are obnoxious. The clock is an approximation of what the referees keep on the field. Really? We can land people on the moon, but we can't figure out a way to have the ref's clock send a signal to the stadium clock? Penalty kicks decide games, which is the equivalent of a basketball game being decided by dueling half-court shots rather than actual game play.

Steve Hartman was screaming in his normal radio voice today about how dreamy Dodger Stadium is, particularly the parking situation. I will give you that the parking is better than last year as the new policies seem to be finally taking hold (because they repainted the traffic lane lines to match the new system instead of last year: new system - old lanes). However, it still stinks. Hartman's example was last night's game against the White Sox. He said he stayed for the whole game, and when they left he expected a madhouse, but instead was pleasantly surprised.

Has he ever been to a Los Angeles sporting event before? Everyone knows that in order to miss the traffic you leave when it's over! The only time LA fans have stayed till the end consistently is when Eric Gagne was on his hot streak (and I am not only referring to the streaks on his forearms at the time). Not to mention that the game last night was a blowout loss so there were probably 5000 fans left at the stadium at the end.

While Hartman was blathering on about this, Vic the Brick Jacobs was screaming "If there is a problem, the McCourts fix it," "they fix it" like he had some form of non-obscene Tourettes syndrome. Apparently Vic was not referring to the roster.

Marat Safin decided to show up this morning at Wimbledon and absolutely destroyed the world's #3 Novak Djovovic. If Safin plays the rest of the tourney like he played today, that semi vs. Roger Federer will be wonderful. Speaking of Federer, perhaps Djokovic should have thought twice before offending the tennis gods by saying last week that Federer's six losses in 2008 prove he is ripe for a downfall.

You should have heard the director and producers of Wimbledon Primetime on the headsets as #1 Ana Ivanovic faced two match points against her. Let's just say that the general consensus is that Ivanovic is good for ratings. Her reaction after her shot hit the net and dribbled over on the second match point and then her kiss of the net after she won the match an hour and a half later made my crush on her deepen considerably. How nice to have the best player in the world also smile and laugh and seem to enjoy herself, but also handle herself with class! We've been spoiled with Federer, Justine Henin and now Ivanovich. I hope another Serena Williams doesn't rise through the ranks.

With the NBA draft coming up tomorrow, the sports talk radio shows in L.A. are all buzzing about the Clippers trading Elton Brand and the#7 to the Heat for Shawn Marion, Shawn Marion's contract, and the #2. I hope they don't because I'd rather have a good guy who is a great player and a possibly great pick than a jerk who is a great player and a possibly great pick. I can't imagine that the Clippers are really looking into a trade with Miami (unless Brand is not involved or Dwyane Wade is), but they have done dumb things in the past so I won't rule it out.

The other big talk is of the Lakers trading up to get Miami's pick (or someone else's). Supposedly they would unload Lamar Odom. Right, I am sure there are a lot of G.M.'s calling the Lakers clamouring to get their hands on Odom after his NBA Finals series. No doubt Miami wants him back, right?

I saw a headline online for Chad Ford's NBA Mock Draft Version 6.0. Seriously? 6? How many times can you openly admit that you were totally wrong and still be considered publishable, let alone an expert?

Remember the loudmouthed trainer who guaranteed the Triple Crown and openly used steroids on that horse as well as many of his others? I won't bother writing his name because you won't remember him, but here's a shocker: he was just suspended because one of his horses tested positive for twice the legal limit of a blood doping drug. This makes eight consecutive years he has been fined or suspended for many, many violations. Here's hoping he gets another shot at glory. Everyone deserves a 20th chance.

Finally, Fresno State's comeback victory yesterday, facing elimination in the Final round of the College World Series against of the best teams in the country, could go down in history as the penultimate crowning achievement in the greatest upset story in Sports history. Yes, that was a lot of hyperbole, but think it through:

Putting their seed in college basketball terms (since most people are more familiar with that 64-team tourney than this one), they would likely be a 15 seed. They would not have made the tourney had they not won their conference (an upset, by the way). In the first round of the tournament, beat the #7 team in the country twice (my USD Toreros) as well as the #22 team on the road (Long Beach State). Then after losing game 1 in the second round, they beat the #4 team in the country on the road twice in a row to eliminate them. In the next round they beat the #6 and #2 team (twice). And now they face the #8 team for a final game to decide the whole thing (after having split with them in the last two games).

An unranked team has beaten nine top 25 teams in the NCAA Tournament. Villanova was an eight-seed when they beat Georgetown and probably faces 2 or three ranked schools in the tourney. North Carolina State over Phi Slamma Jamma was the same. At least the 1980 U.S. Hockey team was made up of the best players in their own country - Fresno State was not top 10 in their state. The Giants-Patriots or Jets-Colts are not remotely close to that. Miracle Mets? Fresno State doesn't have Tom Seaver. If the "Under-Dogs" win today, it is the greatest upset story in Sports History. Don't miss it - 4 p.m. Pacific time on ESPN.

This is all a reminder of how insane the BCS is. In what other league in any sport in the world are the two finalists selected at the end of the regular season?

Hard To Keep My Eyes Open For The French Open

I have been working for the Tennis Channel on their coverage of the French Open, so I have seen a lot of tennis. During this time, I have not really been all that entertained...of course our live coverage starts at 2 a.m. because France is stupid and doesn't go by Pacific Standard Time, so that may be contributing to my sleepiness.

Maybe it is the same old generational bias thing (even though these players are my generation), but only one of the matches has been very interesting. Granted, we are not even to the quarterfinals yet, but there are no players who are really all that captivating. There is no must-see player. Roger Federer is great, but he is like a surgeon - it is a science out there and he just methodically puts his opponents to bed. Rafa Nadal is much more fiery, but I can't watch him and his clothes for two hours. He also plays at a slower pace than John Kruk working his way through a buffet line. Nikolay Davydenko is pretty fun to watch, and Novak Djokovic is very entertaining, but then there is no one else really.

The Americans are just depressing. Andy Roddick is unwatchable. James Blake, Robby Ginepri and Mardy Fish are just never going to get over the hump. Watching them play and thinking about how 10 years ago we had Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi makes it even sadder.

And the women are just as bad. This is supposedly a great time for women's tennis and while I could have watched Sunday's Ana Ivanovic-Petra Cetkovska match all day long, it isn't necessarily for the tennis. Justin Henin, one of the more graceful athletes and champions you will ever see retired at the ripe old age of 26 last month. Maria Sharapova is a fantastic player but listening to her is like hearing a puppy rolled down a hill in a bag. To say the least, I was not sad to see her lose today, and actually you can say the same of most players on tour (men and women). The Williams sisters are just as implosive as always, but they are not as good as they used to be. Venus is whithering away and will soon look more like Pluto (get it? Cuz Pluto is small?) and Serena looks like she is on the same diet as Andruw Jones. I cannot distinguish (or easily pronounce) all of the -Ovas and while there is some good talent spread around, the fact that the average fan can't remember who any of them are is telling. None of them is all that interesting (the exception being Ivanovic or course). After all, the biggest news in tennis this week was that American Ashley Harkleroad is posing for Playboy, not anything that happened on the clay.

That said, there is nothing better than the meltdowns that occur regularly on tennis courts. Tennis, like most sports, is very mental. But unlike many sports, the players are completely on their own and there is no helmet to hide behind. There is a lot of dead time and there are a lot of cameras. Dinara Safina almost went supernova this morning in her match against Sharapova when she lost four straight games after they returned to the court after an hour-and-a-half rain delay. Safina (famed for her emotions being very clear, to say the least) had already taken a warning for "racket abuse" because she had slammed her racket to ground, breaking it during the first set tie-breaker.

In a stunning turn of events, Safina composed herself, stormed back into the match, defended a match point in the second set to come back and win a tiebreaker, and then bull-rushed Sharapova in the third set to win 6-3. If Safina can keep from erupting and turn it all that emotion into whatever she turned it into today, she is a sure-fire Grand Slam champion.

All that said, tennis still makes for spectacular drama and wonderful television. It is easy to choose sides because you always wind up not liking one of the players even if you'd never heard of them before. For instance, the French men with their mediocre play but constant fist pumps make them eminently hate-able, to say nothing of their whining or frequent surrenders.