A Somewhat Bitter Potpourri

After a typically busy weekend in sports, I can't decide what to write about today, so instead I will simply throw out random thoughts about lots of the stories that have been going on, most of which are still tainted by the fact that the Phillies are in the World Series and not the Mets.

-Chip Caray used to call the Rays' James Shields, "Big-Game James Shields." This would have been a decent nickname for the guy if he had ever pitched in a big game before this week, and it it wasn't already James Worthy's nickname. So I figured that Caray was just calling anyone with the name James, "Big-Game James." And then in Game 7 of the ALCS, he called Rays' pitcher Matt Garza, "Big-Game Matt Garza." I don't even know where to begin with this.

-I am not sure which was my favorite TV sports programming moment of the weekend was, and both are up there for best moment of the year as well: 1) Little-brother-sports network TBS apparently forgot that they were in charge of broadcasting Game 6 of the ALCS. For the first 20 minutes (just long enough to miss B.J. Upton's first-inning homer), they instead were airing a repeat of the Steve Harvey show. I am sure folks in Boston handled this well. 2) The Cowboys sucked so bad on Sunday that Fox was worried that no one wanted to watch it anymore so they switched away from the blowout on their national broadcast. It wasn't just great that it was the Cowboys getting beaten, or beaten by the Rams, or publicly embarrassed, or that the game they switched to was the Giants. The best part is that the game they switched to stunk too, but was still more competitive and watchable than the Cowboys. I am very happy right now. That said, I could watch a 24 hour network of Cowboy losses, so it was a kinda six of one, half a dozen of another for me.

-I watched SNL this week because I thought that Sarah Palin's appearance might be worth it, and I thought, "you know, there are a lot of funny people on there now. Maybe it is coming back." Nope. The opening was another Tina Fey-as-Palin sketch and then Palin walked in and talked to Lorne Michaels' about the impersonation. Not that funny. Then Marky Mark appears (no Funky Bunch) to pile onto a joke from last week. Not funny. Then Alec Baldwin appears! He doesn't recognize Palin and thinks it is Tina Fey and starts bad-mouthing Palin's politics right to her face unintentionally. Not funny. Then I watched a few sketches and wanted to destroy my TV so this could never happen again. Weekend Update was, as usual for the last 33 years, the funniest part of the show, which is now simply an embarrassing obvious form of advertising for whatever crappy movies the hosts are starring in.

-Speaking of movies, Saw V is out this week. There have been four Saws? Has anyone ever seen one of these? Didn't the first one come out last year? Does anyone know what the premise is? And of course, it will be the top box office movie this weekend despite that no one knows anyone who sees it.

-How is it that movies are compared to movies by money generated, not tickets sold? We are all aware that movie tickets cost double what they did 15-years ago so this box-office stat is totally irrelevant, right?

-LaDainian Tomlinson's average fantasy draft pick number was 1.3 on Yahoo. So of the hundreds of thousands of leagues, he was pretty much picked first in 90% of them or more. This means that he is single-handedly ruining the seasons of more fantasy sports players than anyone in the history of fantasy sports. 58-yards per game? Apparently Lorenzo Neal was the Chargers' MVP, because he is gone, LDT stinks and so do the Chargers. Whoops.

-I had Adrian Peterson ranked #1 on my board and I am in first place. My two older brothers picked right behind me in the first round and got Steven Jackson and Brian Westbrook - both good picks. Yet they are both fighting it out for the bottom of the league with my two buddies, neither of whom has checked his team since June.

-This will be a spectacular baseball-fan's World Series but will undoubtedly get the lowest ratings in the history of the Series. Both teams steal bases, hit-and-run, play great defense, have great pitching and big power. Guys like Shane Victorino and Evan Longoria, who seem to absolutely love that they are playing baseball, make it fun to watch even the guys like Pat Burrell, who looks like he just left a lobotomy. You have to wonder how full Tropicana Field will be now that all the Red Sox fans will be gone. Here's a fun stat, which will be higher: Rays stolen bases + homers or Phillies strikeouts?

-I am sure Fox is thrilled that they got this matchup instead of the Dodgers and Red Sox, which would have crushed the best-ratings ever because there is something for non-fans to watch - the potential for Manny Ramirez to hit 20 homers as the Red Sox fans completely turn on his as the series progresses and they forget that he played a bigger role in winning those two World Series than anyone because he made them have to pitch to David Ortiz. I was thinking that it would have been interesting to have the Dodgers and Sox, but would it have? The Dodgers were not a very good team, even with Manny. And the Sox fans are so obnoxious now that they've forgotten what losing was like. They don't deserve more magic for a while.

-I didn't like the numbers on the Cleveland Browns' helmets last week. Maybe it was because they beat up the Giants, but even before it was out of hand, I definitely remember thinking that those are some of the coolest uniforms in football, and part of the reason is that they'd helmets are blank.

-A few weeks ago, I was in the Glendale Galleria on a Saturday afternoon and saw a big group of people with Fresno State shirts on. Fresno State had played UCLA at the Rose Bowl that day. That tells you a lot about Fresno when their fans go to L.A. for a football game and then their postgame activity/sight-seeing is a mall, and not even a cool mall.

-Top 2 Worst Scripted Live TV Sports moment of the year: 1) David Stern handing the NBA championship trophy to the Celtics' owner and using the NBA's "There can be only one" tagline as his speech. At least he got booed loudly. 2) Jim Nance's NCAA Finals call of, "Rock Chalk Championship!" when Kansas won it all. What can that possibly have meant? It doesn't even have a nice ring to it. That's what he stayed up the night before coming up with? I was expected Caray to best both of them with a painful pun on the Rays dropping the "Devil" from their name and becoming good. He failed me.

-No Florida baseball team has ever lost a playoff series.

-Pastors, priests, rabbis, etc. around the country are no doubt working up sermons for next week about what happens to your life when you get rid of the "Devil" thanks to the Rays.

-There was just a fundraiser at the Hollywood Park Casino to raise money for a charity that supports the Hollywood Park Casino. What? Has there ever been a less-worthy cause for charitable donation than a casino?

-Last week, Blake DeWitt came to bat at one point trailing 5-0 with no out and runners on 1st and 2nd. It was at Dodger Stadium and it was a big moment so the crowd was rocking. DeWitt leads the universe in runners left on, so it was not all that surprising when the rookie grounded into a 6-4-3 double play. But it was sad. You had to feel kinda bad for the guy. The crowd was dead, the threat was dead, the series was dead, and he must have felt like it was all his fault. I was watching with my dad, who said, "You almost feel bad for the kid. But he's a Dodger, so screw him." Dad, here's to them finishing their 50th year in L.A. unhappily, and to all prospects for #51 being truly miserable!

-Seriously, the Rays are in the World Series, are probably going to win. Seriously. Tampa Bay. The Devil Rays.

-The photo above has nothing to do with anything today. I just throught it was really funny and somehow that fit this spastic, non-sequitor-filled drivel.

Hard To Keep My Eyes Open For The French Open

I have been working for the Tennis Channel on their coverage of the French Open, so I have seen a lot of tennis. During this time, I have not really been all that entertained...of course our live coverage starts at 2 a.m. because France is stupid and doesn't go by Pacific Standard Time, so that may be contributing to my sleepiness.

Maybe it is the same old generational bias thing (even though these players are my generation), but only one of the matches has been very interesting. Granted, we are not even to the quarterfinals yet, but there are no players who are really all that captivating. There is no must-see player. Roger Federer is great, but he is like a surgeon - it is a science out there and he just methodically puts his opponents to bed. Rafa Nadal is much more fiery, but I can't watch him and his clothes for two hours. He also plays at a slower pace than John Kruk working his way through a buffet line. Nikolay Davydenko is pretty fun to watch, and Novak Djokovic is very entertaining, but then there is no one else really.

The Americans are just depressing. Andy Roddick is unwatchable. James Blake, Robby Ginepri and Mardy Fish are just never going to get over the hump. Watching them play and thinking about how 10 years ago we had Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi makes it even sadder.

And the women are just as bad. This is supposedly a great time for women's tennis and while I could have watched Sunday's Ana Ivanovic-Petra Cetkovska match all day long, it isn't necessarily for the tennis. Justin Henin, one of the more graceful athletes and champions you will ever see retired at the ripe old age of 26 last month. Maria Sharapova is a fantastic player but listening to her is like hearing a puppy rolled down a hill in a bag. To say the least, I was not sad to see her lose today, and actually you can say the same of most players on tour (men and women). The Williams sisters are just as implosive as always, but they are not as good as they used to be. Venus is whithering away and will soon look more like Pluto (get it? Cuz Pluto is small?) and Serena looks like she is on the same diet as Andruw Jones. I cannot distinguish (or easily pronounce) all of the -Ovas and while there is some good talent spread around, the fact that the average fan can't remember who any of them are is telling. None of them is all that interesting (the exception being Ivanovic or course). After all, the biggest news in tennis this week was that American Ashley Harkleroad is posing for Playboy, not anything that happened on the clay.

That said, there is nothing better than the meltdowns that occur regularly on tennis courts. Tennis, like most sports, is very mental. But unlike many sports, the players are completely on their own and there is no helmet to hide behind. There is a lot of dead time and there are a lot of cameras. Dinara Safina almost went supernova this morning in her match against Sharapova when she lost four straight games after they returned to the court after an hour-and-a-half rain delay. Safina (famed for her emotions being very clear, to say the least) had already taken a warning for "racket abuse" because she had slammed her racket to ground, breaking it during the first set tie-breaker.

In a stunning turn of events, Safina composed herself, stormed back into the match, defended a match point in the second set to come back and win a tiebreaker, and then bull-rushed Sharapova in the third set to win 6-3. If Safina can keep from erupting and turn it all that emotion into whatever she turned it into today, she is a sure-fire Grand Slam champion.

All that said, tennis still makes for spectacular drama and wonderful television. It is easy to choose sides because you always wind up not liking one of the players even if you'd never heard of them before. For instance, the French men with their mediocre play but constant fist pumps make them eminently hate-able, to say nothing of their whining or frequent surrenders.

A Triumphant Finish To A Miserable Trip

Wednesday morning I was beginning to doubt if what I wear to the games makes a difference in the Mets' performance on the field. Clearly, I was in a state of utter desperation after having attended five consecutive losses by the Mets in Los Angeles (two this week and all three last season). The game before that was the 2006 NLDS clincher when the Mets swept the Dodgers, but I can't remember what I was wearing (I know it was a black jersey, but which hat and t-shirt escape me).

Well it took a while to decipher the code and figure out what my wardrobe has to be in order for the Mets to beat the Dodgers. It is quite simple really: I wear my bright orange Mets t-shirt with a blue t-shirt underneath, I carry my Mets jacket (but do not wear it), and I wear my Mets visor. And the Mets' starter throws 8 innings of two-hit shutout ball, while the offense scores 12 runs. That will work every time; I am convinced.

What a perfect day it was to mark my first ever weekday day game. I showed up two hours early because I am currently retired. The teams did not take batting practice because they had just played about 11 hours earlier. I walked over towards the Mets bullpen and the pitchers and catchers were all practicing in right field. Mike Pelfrey, Duaner Sanchez and Pedro Feliciano were all mimicking Johan Santana's motion (I witch they'd mimic more about him!) until Santana arrived and showed them that they were all wrong. The photo above is Santana correcting Pelfrey.

Later Santana and Pelfrey were in the pen with pitching coach Rick Peterson working on mechanics. Peterson was working with Santana on getting him to make his leg kick more pronounced and not just sliding through it. Pelfrey was not actually throwing a ball; he was just going through his routine since is the starter for the Mets next game.

When Pelfrey finished, he could have walked through the stands and not been noticed, but when Santana finished practice, he was predictably accosted by fans for autographs. He signed a few balls on his way to the clubhouse but one particularly annoying kid threw his glove out of the bleachers into the Mets bullpen right near Santana. He either pretended to, or actually didn't notice, but he left and the little brat sat there wondering how the hell he was going to get back his glove. I like to think he didn't, but I am sure some security guard got it for him.

The ceremonial first pitch was thrown by some girl on Friday Night Lights. Blake DeWitt caught the pitch for her, apparently at her request. She was clearly desperately in love with him. It was like watching a cheerleader flirt with a star player at a high school game. DeWitt was apparently distracted by the affair because he didn't hit a home run Wednesday as he had on Monday and Tuesday. I can only imagine the crap he took from his teammates after she ran over to the dugout afterwards in order to get his autograph.

Once the game started, it wasn't long before Dodger ace Brad Penny started to look like a Wii Baseball pitcher when you get a rally going. Sweat was pouring off of him and exclamation points shot out of his head every time he threw the ball. As if being yanked from the game in the fifth after having allowed seven earned runs wasn't bad enough, Scott Proctor promptly walked the first hitter and then gave up a double to David Wright and a wild pitch, clearing the bases and adding three more earned runs to Penny's line. Apparently P-r-o-c-t-o-r does not spell relief.

Wright had entered this series as the active career batting average leader against the Dodgers. After this series, in which he went 1-for-13 with six K's and six left on base, he no longer holds that title. I'd still name a kid David Wright Bergen if my wife let me (I doubt she'll be cool with Edgardo Alfonzo Bergen either).

The Mets crushed the Dodgers on Wednesday, 12-1 with John Maine only allowing 2 hits in the first 8 innings. After getting one out and allowing one run on two hits in the ninth, he was yanked and Sanchez mowed down Delwyn Young and James Loney to end the blowout win. It is amazing how quickly frustration and hopelessness can disappear with one good win. After two horrible games for the team and fans on Monday and Tuesday, the Mets came out Tuesday and just erased it all. Sure they lost the series, but they're going home and Santana is pitching on Saturday. All is well (note: I reserve the right to whine more next week if they don't beat up on the Reds this weekend).

Finally, Andruw Jones was boo-ed throughout this series despite actually getting a few hits (2-for-8). His swing is awful and he has had way too many Dodger dogs however. Allegedly, he asked management if he could be driven to and from centerfield in the old bullpen helmet-cart each inning. Dodger fans were actually doing the FSU/Braves tomahawk chop-chant to make Jones feel comfortable so he'd hit like he did for the rest of the decade before last year. Jones doubled down the right field line and scored the Dodgers' only run.

For comparison, Juan Pierre is hitting .304 with 12 RBI. Jones is .170 with 4 RBI. John Maine (who got his first hit of the season on Wednesday) is .067 with 2 RBI.