Andruw Jones: The Man Who Can Stop The Tides

The Mets have lost the last four games they have played at Dodger Stadium (the one before that was a win, completing a playoff sweep). I have been to all four games and, to say the least, I am getting a bit of a sour taste in my mouth about the stadium. Even David Wright, who had the highest batting average of any active player against the Dodgers, went 0-4 last night, so it isn't just me that hates that God-forsaken building.

The Top 10 Reason Why I Hate Dodger Stadium

10. The Dodgers play there.

9. I know the beach balls are fun for kids and everything, but there must have been 20 that made it to the field last night. I will count tonight.

8. The interminable wave begins for no apparent reason in the fifth inning and finishes with a flourish when 2/3 of the crowd stand in unison and head for the exits in the 8th.*

7. There is no way that shack survives another 6.0 earthquake. It is as though it is built out of cracks, not concrete.

6. $15 parking that leaves me 3/4 mile from the stadium with no hope of leaving within 30 minutes after the game ends. They actually announce at games that in order to avoid a parking mess, fans should arrive two hours before the games!

5. Worst sound system of any stadium I have ever been to, including high school gymnasiums.

4. I don't speak Spanish.

3. I feel like if I put the sandwich-board sign that Bruce Willis wore in Harlem in Die Hard 3 on the roof of my car and parked it in Watts overnight, it would be safer than leaving it in the parking lot at Dodger Stadium for three hours.

2. $5.75 Dodger Dogs that are simply terrible. I like to think that Dodger Dogs are something special too, but it is all nostalgia. Those things are nasty. On top of that, Monday night, I got to the counter with 2 outs in the bottom of the 1st; they were sold out of Dodger Dogs. It was cool though, because I'd only spent the entire inning in line.

1. Generally speaking: the least knowledgeable fans on earth.*

Notes:

* After 24 years of ballgames at Dodger Stadium, I finally discovered the Wave's kryptonite. It was the 8th inning and the wave was really rocking. It had been around 5-6 times and was as solid as you will ever see it. Then this announcement was made: "Now batting, center fielder, Andruw Jones." I swear on the Home Run Apple that the Wave stopped instantly and the loudest boo I have ever heard from Dodger fans arose in its place. Jones grounded into an inning-ending double play to complete an 0-fer day. For those scoring at home: Jones is hitting .158 with an RBI every 25 at bats. The guy he was brought in to replace (Juan Pierre) is batting .324 with an RBI every 7 at bats. At least the fans have picked up that that...or maybe the smart ones have and the rest think Chin-lung Huuuuuuuu is up to bat.